Many people have asked me why I submit myself to practicing restraint from things I want to do. "Isn't that freedom, to be able to do as you want?" they ask me. It would appear to be this way, wouldn't it. This is our working definition of freedom. We think that to be free is to be able to do whatever we want, when we want it. We celebrate our freedom to choose and the freedom in our western worlds to live the life we want to live.
But is this really freedom?
I think we need a new definition of freedom. Instead of being able to choose, it should be being able to say no. True freedom comes not from giving in to desire for sense pleasures, but from being able to resist this desire. Do you want to be a slave to every craving you have? This is what is happening. The mind tells us we want something, and then we find ourselves bending over backwards to make that happen. This is not freedom, this is mental slavery, and if you don't believe me, ask a recovering alcoholic or drug addict.
I guess I consider myself a recovering alcoholic as well, and every time I find the strength and courage to say no and walk away, something wells up within me. In those moments, the revelation of what freedom to choose truly means becomes clear in my mind. But you don't have to have problems with alcohol or drugs to benefit from this practice. Those are just extreme examples.
We are largely led through life by our desires. We want to be happy, we want to be satisfied, to feel fulfilled, and we want to be loved. We want, we want, we want. The wanting never stops. Can you see this?
The reason why the wanting never stops is because we tend to give in to these cravings. Just like a child who cries to get what it wants, so too does our inner child cry out for the gratification of its whimsical desires. And just like a child who always gets what he or she wants experiences more and more faith in his or her ability to do exactly that, by employing the means of annoying the parents until they give in, so too does our inner child whine and scream until we finally give in. Every time we give in, to either the inner child or the outer one, we are reinforcing their strength and power over us, and we are losing our grip on our ability to stand our ground.
Okay, so I'm not trying to tell you how to train your children, I don't have any and I don't pretend to know the best methods. But I am encouraging myself to train my mind, and I want to share this journey with you.
Watch the cravings come, watch them go, you don't have to feed them, you know.
Last night, my company had a huge 10 year anniversary party with over 500 attendees from the 9 different branches we have around Bangkok. There was free food and drinks for all. Now, take me back a few years, and I would have destroyed this event, in the sense that I would have taken full advantage. I would have eaten everything and drunk everything I possible could. I probably would have had a great time.
But as I get older, I am finding that there is something more to life than having a "great time." A great time like that is only due to the conditions that support it. Take away those conditions, and you take away the great time. No matter how hard you try, you won't be able to maintain the conditions necessary for great times. There's only so much you are able to do to protect yourself from the harshness of life. Here is the basic law of the universe. Whatever is created must be destroyed.
If you are experiencing good times now, hard times are sure to follow.
This is a simple reality that we all must face. But what it means is that for those of you out there who are experiencing hard times now, you can rest assured that good times are sure to come. Life has a way of balancing itself it out, and if we fight against that, we will inevitably lose.
So instead of having a great time last night, I had a modest amount of food and went home. With the exception of becoming aware of what I was potentially missing out on, I didn't feel any sense of tightening around my decision. Looking back, in those situations when I was trying make the most out of things in hopes to perpetuate the good times, I do remember this sense of tightening. It's fear really, that my normal day-to-day life isn't good enough, and that I have to somehow make it better, and hold on to those high-points. But what comes up, must come down. And I did.
Being able to walk away from temptation last night, from the desire and craving, and not be sick over my decision, I really felt a sense of freedom. I am now starting to see freedom as the ability to do otherwise. Not in the sense that you could do something other than what you did, but in the sense that you did do something other than what you would. What I mean is that our cravings have already made decisions about what we will do in certain situations. To feed those cravings is to reinforce their ability to choose for us. This is easy to do, but mental slavery.
Try to become aware of what it is you are unable to walk away from. It might come in different forms than what you expect. The obvious is the drugs, the alcohol, cigarettes, the chocolate or ice-cream, but can you see what else it might be? TV? Music? Sex? It comes in all forms...
When cravings arise, just notice them. You don't have to gather up armies right away to try to combat them. Take them one step at a time.
Just becoming aware of your cravings is a step in the right direction, a step toward freedom.
I can't sit here and pretend that I've overcome the challenges of cravings and desire, not even close. But I can promise you that I am working on it, that I'm doing my best, and I'm going to let that be good enough for me, for now. Everyday, I get stronger, and I experience more and more the ability to say no, the ability to walk away and feel like I do have a choice.
But is this really freedom?
I think we need a new definition of freedom. Instead of being able to choose, it should be being able to say no. True freedom comes not from giving in to desire for sense pleasures, but from being able to resist this desire. Do you want to be a slave to every craving you have? This is what is happening. The mind tells us we want something, and then we find ourselves bending over backwards to make that happen. This is not freedom, this is mental slavery, and if you don't believe me, ask a recovering alcoholic or drug addict.
I guess I consider myself a recovering alcoholic as well, and every time I find the strength and courage to say no and walk away, something wells up within me. In those moments, the revelation of what freedom to choose truly means becomes clear in my mind. But you don't have to have problems with alcohol or drugs to benefit from this practice. Those are just extreme examples.
We are largely led through life by our desires. We want to be happy, we want to be satisfied, to feel fulfilled, and we want to be loved. We want, we want, we want. The wanting never stops. Can you see this?
The reason why the wanting never stops is because we tend to give in to these cravings. Just like a child who cries to get what it wants, so too does our inner child cry out for the gratification of its whimsical desires. And just like a child who always gets what he or she wants experiences more and more faith in his or her ability to do exactly that, by employing the means of annoying the parents until they give in, so too does our inner child whine and scream until we finally give in. Every time we give in, to either the inner child or the outer one, we are reinforcing their strength and power over us, and we are losing our grip on our ability to stand our ground.
Okay, so I'm not trying to tell you how to train your children, I don't have any and I don't pretend to know the best methods. But I am encouraging myself to train my mind, and I want to share this journey with you.
Watch the cravings come, watch them go, you don't have to feed them, you know.
Last night, my company had a huge 10 year anniversary party with over 500 attendees from the 9 different branches we have around Bangkok. There was free food and drinks for all. Now, take me back a few years, and I would have destroyed this event, in the sense that I would have taken full advantage. I would have eaten everything and drunk everything I possible could. I probably would have had a great time.
But as I get older, I am finding that there is something more to life than having a "great time." A great time like that is only due to the conditions that support it. Take away those conditions, and you take away the great time. No matter how hard you try, you won't be able to maintain the conditions necessary for great times. There's only so much you are able to do to protect yourself from the harshness of life. Here is the basic law of the universe. Whatever is created must be destroyed.
If you are experiencing good times now, hard times are sure to follow.
This is a simple reality that we all must face. But what it means is that for those of you out there who are experiencing hard times now, you can rest assured that good times are sure to come. Life has a way of balancing itself it out, and if we fight against that, we will inevitably lose.
So instead of having a great time last night, I had a modest amount of food and went home. With the exception of becoming aware of what I was potentially missing out on, I didn't feel any sense of tightening around my decision. Looking back, in those situations when I was trying make the most out of things in hopes to perpetuate the good times, I do remember this sense of tightening. It's fear really, that my normal day-to-day life isn't good enough, and that I have to somehow make it better, and hold on to those high-points. But what comes up, must come down. And I did.
Being able to walk away from temptation last night, from the desire and craving, and not be sick over my decision, I really felt a sense of freedom. I am now starting to see freedom as the ability to do otherwise. Not in the sense that you could do something other than what you did, but in the sense that you did do something other than what you would. What I mean is that our cravings have already made decisions about what we will do in certain situations. To feed those cravings is to reinforce their ability to choose for us. This is easy to do, but mental slavery.
Try to become aware of what it is you are unable to walk away from. It might come in different forms than what you expect. The obvious is the drugs, the alcohol, cigarettes, the chocolate or ice-cream, but can you see what else it might be? TV? Music? Sex? It comes in all forms...
When cravings arise, just notice them. You don't have to gather up armies right away to try to combat them. Take them one step at a time.
Just becoming aware of your cravings is a step in the right direction, a step toward freedom.
I can't sit here and pretend that I've overcome the challenges of cravings and desire, not even close. But I can promise you that I am working on it, that I'm doing my best, and I'm going to let that be good enough for me, for now. Everyday, I get stronger, and I experience more and more the ability to say no, the ability to walk away and feel like I do have a choice.
No comments:
Post a Comment