I woke up this morning, feeling a bit under the weather, as I have for the past couple weeks now (I think I've lost weight from blowing my nose so much), and wanted to turn things around a bit for myself. After my 1-hour morning meditation, I decided to hit my yoga mat. I had the idea already, from a few days ago, that I wanted to do 108 sun salutations when I felt well enough to do so. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pull it off, but I went for it, and took it one at a time.
For those of you who don't know, a sun salutation (Surya Namaskar) is an ancient series of 12 yoga postures strung together by the breath. There are many variations, but I prefer one that seems to come from Hatha Yoga, and includes forward lunges in addition to upward and downward facing dogs. If you are familiar with this sequence, you might be asking if I count left and right side as one salutation or two. Let me assure you, I barely was able to do 108 with counting left and ride as two, so if you are the type that counts one "round" as one "salutation," we are not the same!
There is something quite special about this practice of doing sun salutations. They say that if you do 12 sun salutations a day, you will live longer, and I totally believe this. The problem is, somedays, I don't even want to do one!
There are two opposing ideas that come to mind when sort of "making" myself do something like this:
1. I am fighting laziness, and building will-power. I am doing something good for myself both mentally and physically. I should do this more often.
2. This is a game of the ego. By setting the bar somewhat high, and forcing myself to accomplish the lofty goal, I have created an opportunity to celebrate myself, to puff myself and say look at what I've done! Afterall, isn't that exactly what I'm doing by writing this?
Here are my thoughts:
Yes, there is some danger here with both aspects of these concerns I have.
1. If I don't do something that truly is good for myself because I fear that it will just be a challenge that my ego can celebrate, I'll probably just stay in bed and never do anything. For my personality, it takes a challenge to get myself going sometimes, and there is nothing wrong with this.
2. If I find that my motivation to do something good for myself is just to write something about it on my blog and tell everyone how amazing I am, then I probably should just stay in bed and never do anything.
Ah, the dichotomy of life, I love it!
Okay, so how do we work through this problem? You should know by now that that's what I really love, is problems. I guess I share them with you because I know some of you out there are going through the same things, at the same time, and this is a way to connect us.
You may have already made up your mind about me, about my motivation, and my sincerity, and that's fine. Why shouldn't you? "This guy is an egotistical maniac, he only wants to prove himself to others to gain some level of self-worth." I actually know for a fact that there are those of you out there who feel this way, because some of you have come right out and accused me of being a self-proclaimed guru who thinks he's enlightened. Maybe they are right, maybe I am just an asshole like I used to be, and finding something different to show-off about. But the truth is, they can't be sure. The only one who can know is myself, and that requires constant evaluation.
That's the thing about the ego, is that it does step in and take over our intentions. Even if we develop wholesome intentions, such as to purify the heart and mind for the benefit of others, the ego can still sneak in the back door if we're not paying attention and turn it into an attainment game. If we deny that this risk is real, we may have already lost the wholesomeness of our intentions. In the world of yoga and meditation, this type of thing happens frequently, and any sort of "progress" just becomes another bragging right.
I've always been a terrible liar. Maybe that's why I've made it a point to stop lying. So I like being open about things, being honest. For one thing, you can read every article in my blog and you will see that I've never made any such claims of being enlightened or a guru. If you want to accuse me of being a self-proclaimed guru, that means, by definition, that I would have, at some point, had to call myself a guru. Other than having found some passing moments of peace in my practice, I'm still a beginner at this whole thing, but because I've fallen in love with it to such an extent, I can't resist sharing it with everyone I meet.
Why have I fallen in love with it?
In my short time on this earth, I feel like I have been fortunate enough to experience many things. In addition to having seen many beautiful places and had unforgettable memories, I have been in many dark corners of my mind, and danced with the devil inside me, and I am grateful for this as well. It has shown me that there are many ways to get your kicks in life, and many alleys that have the promise of being what life is all about. The problem is, that any sort of satisfaction that comes from anywhere but within can and will cause you suffering. You might have what you want for a while, but you will lose it. You will lose your possessions, you will come down from your buzz, you will wake up the next day and have to realize that the best night of your life is over. And then what?
If you can find another source of happiness, the only true and lasting source, you can begin to develop a relationship to the everlasting joy that is your birthright. For me, I have found this source within me, and practices such as yoga and meditation have been the gateway to this inner world. Despite finding myself far from having a constant connecting to this radiant joy, I've seen it, I've tasted it, and I know it's real.
So why am I writing this article?
I don't know, that's a good question, one that I am also asking myself. I guess I'm just thinking with my fingers and watching it appear on the screen. First of all, 108 sun salutations isn't the world's greatest achievement, it only takes an hour or so, and besides, I've already done it once, in India, and didn't write about it that time. I guess it's just that feeling that I have, that is a result from having treated myself to a truly divine way to wake up this morning, and it has inspired me to write something. Although I wasn't sure what I was going to write, I must say I didn't expect it to go in this direction, but at some point, I became self-aware of the greater lesson here, the one that I was potentially guilty of failing to recognize.
If we want to improve our lives, and do something good for ourselves, we have to be careful that it is for the right reasons. If we just want power, money, fame, or praise for our efforts, it would be better if we did nothing at all. To really improve ourselves is to purify the heart and mind, and in order to do this, we have to have wholesome intentions. This requires us to constantly check in with our intentions, to ask ourselves what it is that is driving us. If we can't answer, or if we are too quick to assume that what is driving us is wholesome, we might be turning a blind eye to the fact that our efforts have become a game of the ego.
So I encourage you to take the time in your own life to go within and discover the answer to this question for your own life. Don't just do it once, you must continue to do it as you progress through life. And if you find that you aren't really progressing, that you don't really have anything that is driving you, I invite you to try yoga and meditation on for size. As it turns out, it's one size fits all!
Thank you for reading. I hope that in some way, this will help you to make sense of and improve your own life.
Namaste.
For those of you who don't know, a sun salutation (Surya Namaskar) is an ancient series of 12 yoga postures strung together by the breath. There are many variations, but I prefer one that seems to come from Hatha Yoga, and includes forward lunges in addition to upward and downward facing dogs. If you are familiar with this sequence, you might be asking if I count left and right side as one salutation or two. Let me assure you, I barely was able to do 108 with counting left and ride as two, so if you are the type that counts one "round" as one "salutation," we are not the same!
There is something quite special about this practice of doing sun salutations. They say that if you do 12 sun salutations a day, you will live longer, and I totally believe this. The problem is, somedays, I don't even want to do one!
There are two opposing ideas that come to mind when sort of "making" myself do something like this:
1. I am fighting laziness, and building will-power. I am doing something good for myself both mentally and physically. I should do this more often.
2. This is a game of the ego. By setting the bar somewhat high, and forcing myself to accomplish the lofty goal, I have created an opportunity to celebrate myself, to puff myself and say look at what I've done! Afterall, isn't that exactly what I'm doing by writing this?
Here are my thoughts:
Yes, there is some danger here with both aspects of these concerns I have.
1. If I don't do something that truly is good for myself because I fear that it will just be a challenge that my ego can celebrate, I'll probably just stay in bed and never do anything. For my personality, it takes a challenge to get myself going sometimes, and there is nothing wrong with this.
2. If I find that my motivation to do something good for myself is just to write something about it on my blog and tell everyone how amazing I am, then I probably should just stay in bed and never do anything.
Ah, the dichotomy of life, I love it!
Okay, so how do we work through this problem? You should know by now that that's what I really love, is problems. I guess I share them with you because I know some of you out there are going through the same things, at the same time, and this is a way to connect us.
You may have already made up your mind about me, about my motivation, and my sincerity, and that's fine. Why shouldn't you? "This guy is an egotistical maniac, he only wants to prove himself to others to gain some level of self-worth." I actually know for a fact that there are those of you out there who feel this way, because some of you have come right out and accused me of being a self-proclaimed guru who thinks he's enlightened. Maybe they are right, maybe I am just an asshole like I used to be, and finding something different to show-off about. But the truth is, they can't be sure. The only one who can know is myself, and that requires constant evaluation.
That's the thing about the ego, is that it does step in and take over our intentions. Even if we develop wholesome intentions, such as to purify the heart and mind for the benefit of others, the ego can still sneak in the back door if we're not paying attention and turn it into an attainment game. If we deny that this risk is real, we may have already lost the wholesomeness of our intentions. In the world of yoga and meditation, this type of thing happens frequently, and any sort of "progress" just becomes another bragging right.
I've always been a terrible liar. Maybe that's why I've made it a point to stop lying. So I like being open about things, being honest. For one thing, you can read every article in my blog and you will see that I've never made any such claims of being enlightened or a guru. If you want to accuse me of being a self-proclaimed guru, that means, by definition, that I would have, at some point, had to call myself a guru. Other than having found some passing moments of peace in my practice, I'm still a beginner at this whole thing, but because I've fallen in love with it to such an extent, I can't resist sharing it with everyone I meet.
Why have I fallen in love with it?
In my short time on this earth, I feel like I have been fortunate enough to experience many things. In addition to having seen many beautiful places and had unforgettable memories, I have been in many dark corners of my mind, and danced with the devil inside me, and I am grateful for this as well. It has shown me that there are many ways to get your kicks in life, and many alleys that have the promise of being what life is all about. The problem is, that any sort of satisfaction that comes from anywhere but within can and will cause you suffering. You might have what you want for a while, but you will lose it. You will lose your possessions, you will come down from your buzz, you will wake up the next day and have to realize that the best night of your life is over. And then what?
If you can find another source of happiness, the only true and lasting source, you can begin to develop a relationship to the everlasting joy that is your birthright. For me, I have found this source within me, and practices such as yoga and meditation have been the gateway to this inner world. Despite finding myself far from having a constant connecting to this radiant joy, I've seen it, I've tasted it, and I know it's real.
So why am I writing this article?
I don't know, that's a good question, one that I am also asking myself. I guess I'm just thinking with my fingers and watching it appear on the screen. First of all, 108 sun salutations isn't the world's greatest achievement, it only takes an hour or so, and besides, I've already done it once, in India, and didn't write about it that time. I guess it's just that feeling that I have, that is a result from having treated myself to a truly divine way to wake up this morning, and it has inspired me to write something. Although I wasn't sure what I was going to write, I must say I didn't expect it to go in this direction, but at some point, I became self-aware of the greater lesson here, the one that I was potentially guilty of failing to recognize.
If we want to improve our lives, and do something good for ourselves, we have to be careful that it is for the right reasons. If we just want power, money, fame, or praise for our efforts, it would be better if we did nothing at all. To really improve ourselves is to purify the heart and mind, and in order to do this, we have to have wholesome intentions. This requires us to constantly check in with our intentions, to ask ourselves what it is that is driving us. If we can't answer, or if we are too quick to assume that what is driving us is wholesome, we might be turning a blind eye to the fact that our efforts have become a game of the ego.
So I encourage you to take the time in your own life to go within and discover the answer to this question for your own life. Don't just do it once, you must continue to do it as you progress through life. And if you find that you aren't really progressing, that you don't really have anything that is driving you, I invite you to try yoga and meditation on for size. As it turns out, it's one size fits all!
Thank you for reading. I hope that in some way, this will help you to make sense of and improve your own life.
Namaste.
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