Gratitude in the first 5 minutes

Sometimes, I wonder why I experience so much unhappiness on meditation retreats, but then I remember, it's because all of the usual things I depend on for happiness are stripped away. All that's left, is long days with my oldest and most annoying friend, my mind. On many retreats, we are asked to keep silence, not to read or write, avoid listening to music or watching some sort of media, refrain from using the internet, overeating, or playing any sort of games. Basically, there is nothing to do except practice.

Often, in these situations, I notice that my attitude is poor. Whenever I am identifying with my mind, my attitude is negative, judgmental, and doesn't want to be there. In my last post, I talked about generosity as a way to invite happiness into our lives, but that usually requires some sort of human contact. Of course, you could practice generosity without human contact by doing things like planting trees, picking up trash, or doing something nice to animals, but on retreat, those aren't really options. In this article, I want to share with you what has become my secret weapon to keep a positive attitude and a balanced mind.

Upon waking, if we can remember to connect with gratitude in the first 5 minutes, we are building a solid foundation for which to keep us afloat throughout the rest of the day. When we practice, we keep things day by day, just so the whole thing doesn't become too overwhelming. One day, on retreat, can seem like a week, so if you are on a 10, or 20 day retreat, the thought of enduring can sometimes be too much, so it's best to keep it simple. In fact, taking things one step, or one breath at a time, works even better, but for the sake of gratitude, we can practice day by day.

As I said, this is really something to remember. Yes, we might need to cultivate gratitude before we can remember it, but these two can happen at the same time. If you feel that you have nothing to be grateful for, you might just need to dig a little deeper. In India, it's not uncommon to see beggars with grotesque deformities, often missing parts of their limbs, sometimes with the bone sticking out of the flesh due to lack of proper medical care. We've all heard the stories that some of these people may have been blinded or amputated by their parents or beggar-pimps to bring in more revenue. It's really a horrific reality, and many of them are in a living hell realm.

To back off from an extreme example, many other families are living in dark little huts that are probably about the size of the average bathroom in the United States, but maybe only 5 feet tall. They have no running water or electricity, and I don't even care to know what they do for a toilet. On the 10 day retreat I did at the Thai monastery in Bodhgaya last month, when I faced my aversion of cleaning toilets, which happened to be brand new, western style toilets, I also used this technique of gratitude. "Never again will I take having a decent toilet for granted." If you have a toilet that flushes, and that you can sit on, you have something to be grateful. If you can stand up in your home, you have something to be grateful for. If you don't have a home, are living on the street, but have all your limbs and your vision, you have something to be grateful for.

Just like this, we can start from the ground up, and find things to be grateful for, even in the worst of times. Okay, okay, so I know a silent meditation retreat isn't really "the worst of times," but it does allow one to understand the mind and realize that gratitude really can work in any situation. I'm sure what keeps some of these limbless beggars going is finding gratitude for a warm blanket at night, or drinking a hot chai in the morning. The old saying, "count your blessings," comes to mind. If you think you don't have any, you might actually find you have too many to count.

What this does, remembering to be grateful upon waking up, is give us something to fall back on throughout the day. What we do with our time in the first few minutes upon waking really sets the stage for the rest of the day. We can't always control the state of our mind when we wake up. It is dependent on the state of the mind upon falling asleep, and then whatever was experienced in the dream world. For me, this morning, my alarm was a real surprise. Lately, I've been waking up early, but usually, I get up before my alarm, and then drift in and out of sleep until it goes off. It makes for a nice transition from sleeping to waking. But this morning, for whatever reason, I was still dreaming when my alarm went off at 5:20, and the transition was somewhat shocking. Not only that, but the dream was a bit of a nightmare and I carried sort of a dark cloud around my mind when I pulled myself out of bed.

And then, I remembered. It was an insight I had at that retreat last month, that if I can practice gratitude within the first 5 minutes upon waking, it really paves the way for the rest of my day. Luckily, this morning, and many mornings lately, I have had the good fortune to remember this, and I watched the dark cloud over my head dissipate, and smiled. If there really is a negative attitude looming there, you probably won't defeat it just by remembering to be grateful once. It will be back, but if you know this, you can be ready for it, and keep coming back to the practice of gratitude.

Even if you feel like you are lying to yourself, just try it. This is not like generosity, where it has to have the wholesome intention of being for the benefit of others. This is really just for you, this is a way to trick your mind into happiness, and it works. Of course, if you are happier, you will treat others better also, so if you think you're being selfish, don't worry, you'll end up benefiting others by making yourself happier.

Another thing that works really well, that I used to do when I first learned about this practice, is to write down 3 things, everyday, that you are grateful for. You might find that once you get the ball rolling, choosing only 3 might be hard. Feel free to write down as many as you want, or if you do only 3, try to come up with different ones everyday. Whether you write down the things you are grateful, or if you just bring them to mind, doing it when you first wake up will allow you to snap out of any negativity that you might be carrying from the night before, and will give you a strong support network to resort to whenever it returns throughout the course of the day.

If you depend on something in the morning to snap out of the darkness, like coffee, a cigarette, food, or a hot shower, trying replacing that with the much cheaper, more eco-friendly crutch of gratitude. Instead of saying to someone, "Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee," you can say, "just give me a minute to be alone, and contemplate all the wonderful things I have to be grateful for." That way, you never have to depend on something outside of yourself for your own well-being.

May all beings realize that just by being born into this world, and having a chance to take part in the magic of life, they have something to be grateful for.

May all beings cultivate a sense of gratitude for what they have, focusing on the positive aspects of their lives to increase their own happiness.

May all beings, after using gratitude to increase their own happiness, in turn treat others with kindness, and express their gratitude for their loved ones.