So, with this theory of "expecting the unexpected," we would walk around waiting for life to throw us a curveball, or for someone to literally punch us while we're not looking. What madness this is! What kind of quality of mind is available to someone who is always waiting for something terrible to happen?
We all know someone like this, or we may even fit this description from time-to-time. I can think of many occasions--vacations, parties, weddings, etc. (any time when expectations seem to be high)--when something bad has happened, and someone is quick to chime in with the hindsight is 20-20 psychic update by adding, "I knew this was going to happen!"
In meditation, we set the intention to observe things as they happen naturally. We don't go out looking for them, nor are we trying to avoid them. In this way, we hope to have a mind that can adapt to any situation with grace. It's not that we're ready for anything, but rather that we are open, receptive, and have the willingness to accept anything that comes our way. Well, we have the intention to be willing to accept anything that comes our way. As I've found out, setting intentions doesn't always guarantee the desired results. But don't worry, this is just a practice, and there's no one here judging except for ourselves.
This open and willing-to-accept mind is the mental position of a Spiritual Warrior; neither prepared nor caught off guard. In between these lies a plane of clarity, compassion, and non-resistance; exactly what is required for a warrior to face the inevitable challenges that life has in store for each and every one of us.
It comes as no surprise to me that I often find that my mind has unconsciously drifted from this plane of equanimity. One example that I like to use is the death of a loved on. With this situation, I find that my mind, in order to save itself from a catastrophe, has prepared itself by expecting the unexpected, and if I sit with that, it's easy to see that it has lost it's balance.
Equanimity, in Buddhism, is neither leaning toward something or away from it. So an equanimous mind doesn't expect anything, nor does it not expect anything. It isn't ready, but it's always aware, watching the experience of life as it unfolds from moment-to-moment without judgment.
After all, there is nothing that is supposed to happen in this life. Likewise, there is nothing that is not supposed to happen. It's all just happening; the rest are expectations.
So what's wrong with expectations?
Unless you are born a saint, the practice of meditation can sometimes be a bit like walking into a dark alley in a bad neighborhood at night. You know that there are going to be things waiting for you that could bring harm to your life, but how your carry yourself may be the secret to coming out in one piece. If you go in expecting that someone is going to hurt you, you will most likely attract just that. If you go in like your strolling through the park, completely oblivious to the dangers that lie ahead, you will still probably attract the least desirable of outcomes.
So how exactly should someone walk into a dangerous alley at night? Well, again, no one should or shouldn't do anything, we're just talking about attracting the kind of results that will be favorable to the outcomes that we desire. If you are looking for a fight or are suicidal, by all means, take a different approach! But if you are looking for a peaceful alternative to getting robbed, beaten, shot, or stabbed, there is a certain manner in which you could approach the situation that will give you a better chance of coming out unscathed.
What has worked for me in these situations, and yes there have been quite a few that have matched this description--both literally and figuratively--is to stay calm, present, and positive. Yes, the possibility of of negative outcomes was on my mind, and yes I was fearful. I would even say that my attempts to hide my fear were feeble. But that's okay, the dangerous men in the back alleys of the world want to see that you know they are running things in their neighborhood. Otherwise, if there was any doubt in their minds as to whether or not I knew, I am more than willing to bet that they would have made sure I found out, one way or another. So I couldn't hide my fear, but there was also another important element, one that I am here to say we have a little more control over, and that is love.
Wearing a smile, whether you are exploring the backroads of your mind or surrounded by gangsters in a dead-end alley at 3 in the morning, is the closest thing to a life-jacket, or a bullet-proof vest, that your going to find in your tool-bag at any given time. It doesn't have to be a big one, and it doesn't even have to be genuine, but just enough to show the threat that you know the potential risk factors and yet you're still crazy/courageous enough to be there (or is it just stupid??).
So next time you find yourself in a precarious situation, or thinking about the possibility of one happening, you can check in with the mind. Is it reaching for something? Is it running away from something else? Or do you have that twisted little smile on your face, not expecting, nor not expecting, the unexpected?
But besides potentially saving your life from dangerous criminals or avoiding a spiritual breakdown when you stumble upon the skeletons in your karmic closet, the most obvious reason to not have expectations at all is to avoid being disappointed.
Especially in meditation, being mindful of your expectations, and not letting them run rampant, is the closest thing to a parachute you're going to find when it comes to flying into enemy territory. No need to look for anything, and no need to fear the unknown. The worst that can happen is you might learn something about yourself that you sort-of-wish you never found out about, but now that you did, you are glad because it finally allows you the beautiful opportunity to confront the forces within that perpetuate suffering in your life. Oh, and when you do, don't forget to smile :)
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