The 1-Hour At-Home Meditation

You might notice that I chose to include the at-home element of this article in the title, as I find the difference between meditating at home, as opposed to let's say with a group, to be monumental. Sitting with a group tends to be easier, especially because it is such an intentional act; everyone is there for the same reason and that group support really seems to help. For me anyway, sitting at home can be extremely hard. Distractions are numerous and can be found in close proximity. If I sit with a group, I turn my cell phone off and usually don't even bring it in to the room with me. At home, I use my phone as a timer and don't turn off the ringer.

This is my spot. Putting the two smaller cushions under my knees helps the pain on longer sits...

Maybe someone calls. Maybe someone stops by, like my landlord delivering a package. When I lived in Colorado last winter in a house with 3 others, I sat through everything from a party to a fight between my roommate and her boyfriend. Maybe people are stomping around, maybe the computer or that new movie I just brought home is beckoning me. Maybe I am hungry, or have to go to the bathroom. Did I forget to set the timer?

These are typical things that run through my mind when I sit for meditation at home.

But what this is really about is the 1-hour meditation, as opposed to the 10, 20, 30, or 40 minute meditations that I frequently use as well. There is just something about that entire hour that is extremely humbling and sometimes insightful. What a beautiful opportunity to see a reflection of who and what you are in that place and time. Oftentimes, what I see in that reflection, is all those places within me that are ugly: hyperactivity, impatience, resistance, etc.  Knowing this before I sit, it can take a lot of courage just to get to the point where I agree with myself that this is something that I want to do. Okay, maybe want isn't the right word, let's go with willing.

This morning was one of such times when I agreed with myself to sit for an hour. It has been a decision that I have been making a lot lately. I think it was 3 weeks ago when I started to re-implement the 60-minute meditation into my home practice, after taking about 5 months off, with the exception of one or two times (I still sit everyday, but usually, I use a smaller increment of time, because I love to exercise my right to be lazy). 

The first 2 weeks was great, I was sitting these one hour sessions twice a day: one in the morning and one in the evening. I didn't miss a day, I didn't miss a session.

Then something happened. I think it was that obscure thing they call life, but I'm not positive. I'll have to get back to you on that one if I ever figure it out.

Nothing really happened, but the ebb and flow of life caught me off guard and suddenly I hit a wall with my practice. One thing I have grown to accept is that this happens. But what I haven't learned is how to handle it with grace. It's funny really, that I am doing such a great thing for myself by even trying this, but yet I can so easily get down on myself when I can't maintain such a rigorous schedule on top of teaching full time.

In those 60 minutes, on any given day, a lot can happen. Sometimes, the time flies by, and other times, it drags on for what seems like an eternity.

So what is the difference?

The mind. The reason why these 1-hour meditations can be such a burdensome task to complete is that it is ample time for the mind to run its course of madness, leaving you wishing you would have never allowed it the chance to take the center stage in the first place.

What we usually do is stay busy; we keep ourselves distracted with our daily lives, our responsibilities, our relationships, or some form of entertainment. It's much easier to come home and put a movie in then sit for an hour in complete silence.

One thing about my practice in particular that allows the mind so much time on the mic is that I don't have a set technique, other than to try to remain aware of some element of the present moment. If I was only focusing on my breath, or only repeating a mantra, it might keep my mind a little more focused. Then again, there are some days when focus seems impossible, and when that happens, those techniques can really get the mind going.

So what do I practice?

Mindfulness comes in different flavors, but that are only so many aspects of any given moment that we have the ability to mindful of. Mainly, we can be mindful of the 5 senses, and what the Buddha considered the 6th sense, the mind itself. So there is mindfulness of hearing, seeing, taste, touch, smell, and mindfulness of mind. In some practices, such as Dzogchen, which comes from Tibetan Buddhism, there is also the practice of mindfulness of awareness itself.

I guess for me, I see the value in practicing all of these different types of mindfulness, and I sort of let my experience naturally guide me from one to the next. Well, that's my intention, sometimes I just sit there impatiently waiting for the bell to sound.

The point of this article is to talk about the difficulty of this time bracket, not to talk about my practice. Hopefully I'll get more into the details of that in another article.

Waiting for the bell...

Waiting for the end of a meditation can easily be considered to be some of the worst moments of my life. It's ironic that I end up suffering so much in a practice that is designed to bring an end to suffering. In a 10, 20, 30, or 40-minute session, the suffering isn't nearly as bad. For example, in a 10-minute session, you can still easily catch yourself waiting for the bell, but when that moment arises, how much time can possibly remain?

In a 60-minute sit, who is to say how much time has expired, and how much remains? Time is relative, and you know this because you have experienced 60 minutes fly by and 60-minute eternities. So maybe time is crawling and you've only finished the first 10 minutes when you catch yourself waiting for the bell. Fifty more minutes!!! Oh man, I just might die...

Not only that, but things like an overactive mind or sleepiness really have time to consume you in this amount time. When I sit for an hour, I make sure to sit in the middle of my mat and put a pillow on the floor behind me. That way, if I fall asleep while sitting up, I won't crack my head open when it smashes into the floor. It's never happened, but I've woken up mid-fall many times, just in time to stop myself from falling completely.

And as far as the overactive mind goes, well, this is just a reality of my life and probably most people. The thoughts are endless. Dreams, fears, hopes, desires, memories--pretty much every type of mental activity gets tossed about like a load of clothes in the dryer. This can be a painstaking process to watch. Sometimes, it can bring about insight, and other times, you think someone filled your dryer with last weeks trash.

Either way, to endure the 1-hour at-home meditation, you have to just sit through it. Sit through the pain, the fears, and the dreams. Sit through the sleepiness. Sit through the anxiety, and the urge to get up and do anything else. It's all there, waiting for you on the cushion, and the choice is yours as to whether or not you are willing to see it, because chances are, you won't like everything you see.

So next time you think about meditation as some ultimate blissful journey through time and space, try it for an hour, and see if you can handle your own worst enemy, yourself. After all, there's no else there, but you.