Shining the Light Backstage

In my last post, I wrote about the importance of what’s happening behind the scenes in our lives, and the tendency to cover up those ugly aspects with that which is beautiful. Today, I will talk a little more about what those ugly aspects can look like, and what we can do to bring them into focus so that we may be able to overcome them.

So what are some of these ugly aspects that tend to be overlooked?

For me, when I stop and take a good look at myself, there are all sorts of places where I bump up into “myself.” And in this case, I mean “myself” to be all those layers that have accumulated over time that separate me from the rest of the world.

These tend to be things like judgments, insecurities, impatience, jealousy, anger, fear, resentment, and blame.

In Buddhism, these are known and kilesas, or defilements of the mind. The main three kilesas are greed, hatred, and delusion. The role they play in the prevention of our attainment of inner peace and true happiness is that they are the same as the 3 Poisons, also known as the 3 Afflictions, which are craving/attachment, aversion, and ignorance.

According to the Buddha, these three ugly aspects of our lives will keep us trapped in the wheel of samsara, or suffering. Basically, if we go on chasing that which we want, pushing away that which we don’t want, and thinking that this behavior will bring us happiness, we will never see the end of suffering.

I don’t pretend to be a scholarly expert of Buddhist terms and concepts, but more someone who practices the teachings on a daily basis, so let’s go right into my experience with these three things in hopes that we can clarify some of your confusion.

How can we become aware of these defilements?

First I will say that mindfulness, or the practice of being aware of what’s happening in any given moment, is the Buddha’s answer to dissolving ignorance. The best way to practice mindfulness, especially when the mind is not yet trained, is through meditation. Really, that’s what this is all about.

So in my meditation practice, I have seen these three defilements at work, nearly every time I have ever been willing and able to do so. I say willing and able because sometimes I just don’t want to leave the comfort of my own delusion, usually unconsciously, and other times, I am so blinded by my own delusion that it just doesn’t occur to me that they are even there.

It doesn’t have to be some grand concept here, that’s the beauty of Vipassana, or Insight Meditation; you can just take one little aspect of your experience, and all of the teachings are right there.

One place that’s easy to start is with the breath. Sometimes the breath is short and sometimes it’s long. But my mind doesn’t like that; it likes to think that if the breath would just be smooth and consistent, meditation would be happening. But in Vipassana, we don’t look to alter or correct our situation; we look to discover it. So right there, we find all three of the poisons are present.

Craving/Attachment: Instead of being OK with the quality of my breath, the mind desires the breath to be something that it is not. Sometimes, it is smooth, and sometimes, it is choppy and inconsistent. This is only natural. If the mind is always reaching for a smooth and consistent breath, it will never become calm, stable, and able to pierce through the veils of illusion.

Aversion: This is really just the flipside of craving and attachment. When the mind observes the breath as being inconsistent and choppy, it reacts by pushing that choppiness away. If we are not careful, we will find that the mind has taken over and is spending time trying to smooth out this breath. This experience happens to me pretty much every time I sit down on my cushion to meditate.

Sometimes, when I don’t have enough concentration to do anything else, I will intentionally smooth out the breath and bring more air into my lungs. This is usually when I am too drowsy to stay awake and stay focused. Granted, it’s probably better to do this than to just give up and stop practicing, but anytime spent controlling, instead of allowing, is not time spent seeing things for they way they really are, which is why I’m here in the first place.

Ignorance: This is really the fuel to the two fires of craving/attachment and aversion. Ignorance is just the belief that if we are able to bring something into our lives or get rid of something, we will be happy. It fails to recognize the transitory nature of all conditioned phenomenon, or the concept of anicca, which says that everything that arises, passes away.

When we shine the line of awareness onto these three aspects of our lives, it’s easy to see how often they are at work, behind the scenes, and how much control they have over the performance on the main-stage.

Can you think of an example with that new car or phone you’ve been wanting, or that job that makes you miserable that you can’t wait to get away from? Maybe it’s with a relationship. As soon as you can be with that guy or that girl, you’ll be happy. Or, as soon as that roommate who drives you crazy moves out, you’ll be happy. Really, it’s any sentence that can be formed with this structure: “As soon as _______________, I’ll be happy.”

So what is the practice here; how do we get rid of these defilements?

The practice is probably my favorite part, in which I will cover in brief detail in this post. Basically, all we have to do is keep watching, and try not to judge. Does it take some faith? I don’t think so, just maybe some patience. Wisdom works on its own, after it recognizes the same defilements over and over again, and realizes that they are no longer serving us.

The Buddha always encouraged his followers to practice this for themselves, not just take his word for it. So that’s what I am here to do, and so far, everything I have come to realize through the practice of mindful observation has been aligned with what the Buddha taught.

Okay, so maybe what I have come to realize is pretty insignificant compared to all the things he covered in his 45 years of teaching, but I’m just trying to take it one step, or one breath, at a time.

So the question is, can we accept what is happening in any given moment, and realize that we have everything we need, or are we always going to want things to be different, always one step away from that which we need to feel content?

The choice isn’t always ours to make, as the layers of conditioning are largely behind the wheel in our lives, but what we can do, is be willing to take a look, and be willing to keep looking when what we see is ugly.