Flooding In Sukhothai

The only city in my province, Sukhothai (which is also the name of the province), has been flooding this week as the Yom River, which runs through downtown, broke some of the levees that contain it and leaked into downtown, covering a 5 square kilometer area in as much as 1.5 meters of water.

I just had to see it for myself, so I went in to check things out...

A very high Yom River.

To my surprise, the scene was extremely peaceful. Yes, the downtown area streets were completely underwater, and yes, people were using boats to get to and fro, but it was quiet, and the expressions on people's faces were that of curiosity and maybe even amusement. There were many relief workers, soldiers, and police officers directing traffic, driving large trucks around, and helping people. Although, as I found out, the directing of traffic was more like "proceed at your own risk and I'll stand here and see if you make it."

I did make it though, into the middle of the flooded zone, on my little motorbike, but soon found that the 5-way intersection, which was a high-point and fairly dry, offered no better exit route than the one in which I had rode in on. I was hoping for something a little drier, as I ended up getting my shoes totally soaked the first time, but upon scanning the other streets, I realized they all contained much more water than the first one.

The whole thing was surreal, mainly because of how calm and seemingly happy everyone appeared to be. The first thing that came to mind was:

Why are all these people smiling?

These girls were certainly enjoying themselves...

I've never seen a flood first-hand in the U.S, but from what I've seen on TV, I seem to recall scenes of people panicing, crying, and devastated. What I don't recall is people smiling, laughing, and playing in the water.

Okay, so maybe it's true that I missed the worst of this flood, and maybe these people were freaking out the first day or two (I probably saw it on the 3rd or 4th day). But even then, I doubt people were freaking out like I would expect them to.

So why is this? What makes these people so able to handle this unfortunate situation with grace?

Did they expect the unexpected, or were they neither expecting, nor not-expecting the unexpected?

I believe that these simple Thai people didn't expect flooding to happen, but they weren't surprised by it either.

It just happened. Life happens. How we react to it is really the difference between living in harmony with nature, creation, God, or whatever you want to call it, or not. Maybe these Thai people weren't expecting something terrible to happen, but they weren't living in a fragile bubble either.

Many families that I know in the U.S. live in these little bubbles of fear. "God forbid that anything would happen to us!"

Well guess what, something will happen to each and every one of us: we are all going to die!!!

Our expectations, whether it's that something will happen, or that something won't happen, don't serve us for finding peace and happiness in this life. If anything, they make us vulnerable and desperate, with a mind that is always leaning toward, or away from something.

I love living in Thailand. Thai people are so wonderful! They are kind, respectful, and easy-going, and everyday I find there is so much for me to learn from them. When I think about why they are this way, I can't help but to think it's because they have accepted that they can't control everything, and that things happen. They don't walk around thinking that the world owes them something, but in no way are the pessimistic either. They are humble. They are patient. And when something out of their control doesn't go the way they want it to, they smile, laugh, or shrug it off. After all, what else can you do?

Read more about the flood here:

http://www.nationmultimedia.com/national/Flooding-caught-Sukhothai-officials-napping-30190302.html

Neither Expecting, Nor Not Expecting the Unexpected

Some people say that the key to not being disappointed is to expect the unexpected. The "surprise" element that occurs when something unexpected happens has the ability to "rattle your cage," thus leaving you shaken up and wondering where the sucker punch came from as you pick yourself up off the ground and dust yourself off.

So, with this theory of "expecting the unexpected," we would walk around waiting for life to throw us a curveball, or for someone to literally punch us while we're not looking. What madness this is! What kind of quality of mind is available to someone who is always waiting for something terrible to happen?

We all know someone like this, or we may even fit this description from time-to-time. I can think of many occasions--vacations, parties, weddings, etc. (any time when expectations seem to be high)--when something bad has happened, and someone is quick to chime in with the hindsight is 20-20 psychic update by adding, "I knew this was going to happen!"

In meditation, we set the intention to observe things as they happen naturally. We don't go out looking for them, nor are we trying to avoid them. In this way, we hope to have a mind that can adapt to any situation with grace. It's not that we're ready for anything, but rather that we are open, receptive, and have the willingness to accept anything that comes our way. Well, we have the intention to be willing to accept anything that comes our way. As I've found out, setting intentions doesn't always guarantee the desired results. But don't worry, this is just a practice, and there's no one here judging except for ourselves. 

This open and willing-to-accept mind is the mental position of a Spiritual Warrior; neither prepared nor caught off guard. In between these lies a plane of clarity, compassion, and non-resistance; exactly what is required for a warrior to face the inevitable challenges that life has in store for each and every one of us. 

It comes as no surprise to me that I often find that my mind has unconsciously drifted from this plane of equanimity. One example that I like to use is the death of a loved on. With this situation, I find that my mind, in order to save itself from a catastrophe, has prepared itself by expecting the unexpected, and if I sit with that, it's easy to see that it has lost it's balance. 

Equanimity, in Buddhism, is neither leaning toward something or away from it. So an equanimous mind doesn't expect anything, nor does it not expect anything. It isn't ready, but it's always aware, watching the experience of life as it unfolds from moment-to-moment without judgment. 

After all, there is nothing that is supposed to happen in this life. Likewise, there is nothing that is not supposed to happen. It's all just happening; the rest are expectations. 

So what's wrong with expectations? 

Unless you are born a saint, the practice of meditation can sometimes be a bit like walking into a dark alley in a bad neighborhood at night. You know that there are going to be things waiting for you that could bring harm to your life, but how your carry yourself may be the secret to coming out in one piece. If you go in expecting that someone is going to hurt you, you will most likely attract just that. If you go in like your strolling through the park, completely oblivious to the dangers that lie ahead, you will still probably attract the least desirable of outcomes. 

So how exactly should someone walk into a dangerous alley at night? Well, again, no one should or shouldn't do anything, we're just talking about attracting the kind of results that will be favorable to the outcomes that we desire. If you are looking for a fight or are suicidal, by all means, take a different approach! But if you are looking for a peaceful alternative to getting robbed, beaten, shot, or stabbed, there is a certain manner in which you could approach the situation that will give you a better chance of coming out unscathed.

What has worked for me in these situations, and yes there have been quite a few that have matched this description--both literally and figuratively--is to stay calm, present, and positive. Yes, the possibility of of negative outcomes was on my mind, and yes I was fearful. I would even say that my attempts to hide my fear were feeble. But that's okay, the dangerous men in the back alleys of the world want to see that you know they are running things in their neighborhood. Otherwise, if there was any doubt in their minds as to whether or not I knew, I am more than willing to bet that they would have made sure I found out, one way or another. So I couldn't hide my fear, but there was also another important element, one that I am here to say we have a little more control over, and that is love. 

Wearing a smile, whether you are exploring the backroads of your mind or surrounded by gangsters in a dead-end alley at 3 in the morning, is the closest thing to a life-jacket, or a bullet-proof vest, that your going to find in your tool-bag at any given time. It doesn't have to be a big one, and it doesn't even have to be genuine, but just enough to show the threat that you know the potential risk factors and yet you're still crazy/courageous enough to be there (or is it just stupid??).

So next time you find yourself in a precarious situation, or thinking about the possibility of one happening, you can check in with the mind. Is it reaching for something? Is it running away from something else? Or do you have that twisted little smile on your face, not expecting, nor not expecting, the unexpected?

But besides potentially saving your life from dangerous criminals or avoiding a spiritual breakdown when you stumble upon the skeletons in your karmic closet, the most obvious reason to not have expectations at all is to avoid being disappointed. 

Especially in meditation, being mindful of your expectations, and not letting them run rampant, is the closest thing to a parachute you're going to find when it comes to flying into enemy territory. No need to look for anything, and no need to fear the unknown. The worst that can happen is you might learn something about yourself that you sort-of-wish you never found out about, but now that you did, you are glad because it finally allows you the beautiful opportunity to confront the forces within that perpetuate suffering in your life. Oh, and when you do, don't forget to smile :)

Battling Bugs and a Vow of Non-Violence in Thailand

It's been a while since I 'lost it' like I did after school the other day, so instead of pretending like it never happened, being that there were no witnesses and all, I am deciding it best to confront my failure through this exposition.

There were a number of elements that contributed to the meltdown, and time was definitely one of them. But I'm not here to make excuses; I'm here to confess.

I am writing this from Bangkok, about a 6 hour bus ride from where I'm currently living in Sukhothai Province. I've had plans to come down here for the past week or so, to visit a friend, and had secured a ride part-way from a co-worker/friend who happens to go that same direction every weekend to spend time at his home with his family.

He is a patient man, and I doubt my tardiness in getting ready to leave was testing this patience, but when people go out of their way to do something nice for me, I feel compelled to make it as easy for them as possible.

So when he knocked on my door on Friday at about ten past 5, wondering if I was ready, I knew I needed to step it up into overdrive, as I hadn't finished eating yet and still needed to hop in the shower. I was prepared to skip the shower, given that he was standing there waiting, but he afforded me an extra ten minutes by admitting he had forgotten something at home, and returned to get it.

Perfect, I thought, just enough time to finish eating (I was almost done anyway) and rinse myself off before throwing a few things into a bag and boom, out the door to Bangkok. The plan would have worked fine, too, if it weren't for one tiny detail.

After showering, I threw on a new t-shirt, one that was nice and loose and would be comfortable for a long bus ride. As soon as the shirt was over my head, I felt a little prickly sensation, and then another. Hmm, I thought, maybe the fabric is a little rough since it hasn't been washed yet.

But after another moment or two, the sensations increased in quantity and in intensity. "What is happening?!" It became too much, and my arms started to flair about in a way that had anyone seen, they surely would have found it difficult to refrain from laughter.

I decided to take up the front of the shirt, to see just what the deal with this fabric was. Maybe it was some cheap polyester or something that was just scratchy in general. But upon revealing the inside of the shirt, and a slight focus of my hurried eyes, and what is that, "Oh my God this shirt is swarming with TINY TINY ants!!!"

I think it's safe to say that this is about when the meltdown proceeded to take place.

I ripped the shirt off as quickly as possible, but it was too late. My bare skin revealed my upper body to be covered with these little buggers, many whom of which had already bitten me.

If there was a choice as to what to do next, some sort of window of opportunity in which I could have taken a different path, I must have missed it. Any flailing that had begun when the shirt was on just increased by hundred-fold. Now, I was swiping and swatting every inch of myself I could get to, and using a different shirt to slap my back with.

I tried to catch them before it was too late, but there was just too many. I saw several escape down my boxers just as the phone rang. It was my friend, waiting at the front gate of my bungalow complex, wondering if now I was ready yet. He had a slight chuckle in his voice too, signifying that I should have had plenty of time to prepare after being given an extra ten minutes.

I suppose the fact that I took a vow of non-violence almost 2 years ago is what makes this a complete disaster on my end. I have been doing really well with it too, until now. Sure, there have been a few ants and mosquitos that have died by my hand, but not maliciously, and usually by complete accident. And some others that have drowned after finding their way into a dirty dish that was finally taken into the bathroom to be washed (I don't have a kitchen, or even a sink for that matter, so I wash my dishes by using a spigot in the bathroom).

Half of my above-average Thai bathroom, notice the spigot on the right, which is the closest thing I have to a sink.

But the difference is that I never intentionally had the desire to kill these tiny little creatures, not until the meltdown. That was really the point of taking the vow in the first place. It's not so much to save mosquitos and tiny ants from an untimely death, but more to purify my mind from the desire to harm another living being. As I found out, this desire to harm other living beings wasn't rinsed clear from my psyche, it had just been lying dormant, suppressed by the intention to do otherwise. A few years ago, this would have just been another insect killing rampage, but on this fateful day, it was the collapse of an entire way of life.

I didn't have a mirror in front of me, but I'm sure my face was bright red. I muttered something to the effect of "yeah yeah I'll be out in a second" and hung-up the phone before screaming every possible cuss word I could, nearly at the top of my lungs. The pain and unnerving sensations covering what was now my entire body was over-the-top unbearable.

As I took the opportunity to reflect on my current state, I was genuinely taken back by the whole thing, and felt about as low as I have for a long time now. I continued to jiggle, shake, swat, and swipe every square inch of myself, hoping to get these tiny ants off of me as I threw the last of my belongings in my bag, grabbed a new shirt, and ran out the door.

I was nearly to the point of cancelling the whole thing: I knew there were so many still on my body and more than anything I just wanted to hop in the shower and make sure they were off of me, but also because I was ashamed of how little I felt in that moment, how quickly I dropped my convictions and lost control.

So what is it about this story that I feel is worth sharing?

Now that I'm sitting here, feeling fairly recovered from the whole thing, I'm glad it happened, as I actually find it quite hilarious how ridiculous I must have looked and only regret that there was no hidden camera there to film it (or was there??).

If there is a lesson to be learned from my little, or should I say dozens and dozens, if not hunrdreds of tiny mishaps, I intend to learn it.

Obviously, I came face to face with "myself" in that moment, and learned more about my current situation than I have in a while. Afterall, I am a pretty calm and collected individual these days, and I haven't lost that calm, at least completely, in what seems to be a very long time. So what went wrong, and what ugly aspect of my current collection of conditions resulted in having this meltdown?

In my opinion, the lesson here has to do with expectations. Especially for us westerners, we seem to carry with us expectations that certain things are supposed to happen for us or that we shouldn't have to experience certain things.

No, I didn't have the expectation that my clean shirts shouldn't be covered with tiny ants, but I did have the expectation that when I applied a clean article of clothing, it wouldn't contain such bonus materials. Is there a difference? I think it's the difference between craving and aversion, which I talked about in my last post. If craving is wanting something, aversion is really just the flip side of that: not wanting something. In Buddhist meditation, we try to witness these elements occurring within us first-hand, but as I found out, you don't need to be sitting cross-legged to realize they are at work in our lives on a daily basis.

So no, I hadn't been walking around thinking that my shirts should be free of ants, but just the flip side of that, that my clean shirts would  be free of ants. On that fateful day, that expectation, that I didn't even realize I had, came to the main-stage of my life, and boy was it ugly.

Yes, I live in a tropical climate, yes there are a lot of bugs, and yes I find myself sweeping them out of my house almost everyday. Anything that is in contact with a flat surface is subject to infestation. The new shirt, which had been laid out on the bed that I don't use for anything other than a giant shelf (I sleep on a thin mat on the floor), was a prime target. And, given that they had recently been obsessed with a jar of q-tips and a box of package peanuts, I should have known that a new shirt might also get their attention.

So was it my fault that they got into my shirt? I dunno, maybe, but that's not the point. The point is that I was caught off guard, I was completely and utterly surprised to find they had found a new home in my new t-shirt. Looking back, it shouldn't have been such a surprise, after all, in this neck of the woods, these tiny little 6-legged insects are everywhere! 

Some of the aforementioned ants in action in an unrelated incident.

*Stay tuned for more on expectations in my next post...