You Just Never Know

On Monday, I woke up with a sore throat and decided to opt for silence. Since the creators of the yoga program I'm participating in already implemented this as an option, all I had to do was stick the "Silence" button on my shirt and everyone understood. Although not everyone in our group of fourteen had taken a silent day, quite a few had. If this isn't something you have tried, it can be a very interesting and revealing experience. I've spent many days of my life in silence, while on meditation retreats, but in those environments, silence is compulsory.

Being the only one in the group not speaking was a little bit different, but the inner experience usually seems to be the same, like the swinging of a pendulum. Sometimes, it's crystal clear and calm, like a still forest pool, and other times, it's more like a tsunami. Without an oral outlet for our thoughts, we are forced to bear with them. They become more obvious than on a "normal" day. As I held the reality of my inner world, I couldn't help but to notice how negative my thoughts were. Not all of them were negative, but many were. I was admittedly having somewhat of an "off" day, but I am tempted to believe that I sometimes carry on in such a manner even on a normal day, I just don't always realize it.

Because we depend on external conditions for our happiness, I'd be willing to bet that most of us are in the same situation here. So what is the problem? The problem is that our negative reactions to life are usually based in delusion. In particular, our judgments towards others, which make up much of our negative mental atmosphere, are largely based on false pretenses. We don't realize this is happening until it's us who needs to be excused.

Yesterday, I found out that my Grandma passed away. The sensitivity that I felt on Monday has now multiplied, and I think some people around me have started to notice that something is wrong. Since they don't know that I lost my last grandparent, they can only assume that I'm acting this way because I'm a miserable and unhappy person. If I go on to mistreat someone on account of these conditions, in this state of sensitivity, they can only assume I'm an asshole.

And why shouldn't they?

On one hand, they have every right to assume what they will about me because their assumptions come from their own observations. On the other hand, they don't really know the whole story. In fact, it's impossible for us to really know and understand what's going on with another person, and therefore, we should bring a conscious effort to refrain from assuming things about people and thereby judging them.

You just never know.

Even if we inquire, if we investigate, we won't get the whole story. This morning, one of my fellow yogis asked me if something was wrong, but I told her there was nothing, because even if I told her my Grandma died, she wouldn't really understand the feeling, the whole story of my Grandma and I, and all the mixed emotions that accompany it. When someone asks you if you are feeling alright, the last thing they want or need to is to get your life story. A simple "I'm okay," works better, even if it's a lie. Of course, we can share our intimate problems with those closest to us, but since I've known these people on this course for just a couple weeks, it doesn't seem right to burden them with something like this.

Even if I were to investigate my situation, the reality is very difficult to see clearly. The are too many layers of the mind, too many emotions, and it gets hazy all too quickly. If it's so hard for me to understand what's going on in my own life, how can I hope to understand what's going on with another?

But yet I continue to hold judgments towards others.

And why? If I know this principle, that "you just never know,"  why do I continue to judge people?

The only reason I can think of is that I am ignorant.

I think I know, but I don't know. 

I think I know, but really, I understand that I don't know. That's why I'm able to catch myself getting caught up in the judging mind. Sometimes, I don't catch it, but when I do, it really shows me just how ignorant I am. What I'm trying to now accept is that this is a good thing. The important thing is what I do next. If I'm unable to realize that I'm often wrapped up in the tricks of the judging mind, I don't even have a chance to snap out of my own ignorance. Developing a sense of gratitude for realizing our weaknesses in this way is important.


"You Just Never Know"

On Monday, I woke up with a sore throat and decided to opt for silence. Since the creators of the yoga program I'm participating in already implemented this as an option, all I had to do was stick the "Silence" button on my shirt and everyone understood. Although not everyone in our group of fourteen took a silent day, quite a few had. If this isn't something you have tried, it can be a very interesting and revealing experience. I've spent many days of my life in silence, while on meditation retreats, but in those environments, silence is compulsory.

Being the only one in the group not speaking was a little bit different, but the inner experience usually seems to be the same, like the swinging of a pendulum. Sometimes, it's crystal clear and calm, like a still forest pool, and other times, it's more like a tsunami. Without an oral outlet for our thoughts, we are forced to bear with them. They become more obvious than on a "normal" day. As I held the reality of my inner world, I couldn't help but to notice how negative my thoughts were. Not all of them were negative, but many were. I was admittedly having somewhat of an "off" day, but I am tempted to believe that I carry on in such a manner even on a normal day, I just don't always realize it.

Because we depend on external conditions for our happiness, I'd be willing to bet that most of us are in the same situation here. So what is the problem? The problem is that our negative reactions to life are usually based in delusion. In particular, our judgments towards others, which make up much of our negative mental atmosphere, are largely based on false pretenses. We don't realize this is happening until it's us who needs to be excused.

Yesterday, I found out that my Grandma passed away. The sensitivity that I felt on Monday has now multiplied, and I think some people around me have started to notice that something is wrong. Since they don't know that I lost my last grandparent, they can only assume that I'm acting this way because I'm a miserable and unhappy person. If I go  on to mistreat someone on account of these conditions, in this state of sensitivity, they can only assume I'm an asshole.

And why shouldn't they?

On one hand, they have every right to assume what they will about me because their assumptions come from their own observations. On the other hand, they don't really know the whole story. In fact, it's impossible for us to really know and understand what's going on with another person, and therefore, we should bring a conscious effort to refrain from assuming things about people and thereby judging them.

You just never know.

Even if we inquire, if we investigate, we won't get the whole story. This morning, one of my fellow yogis asked me if something was wrong, but I told her there was nothing, because even if I told her my Grandma died, she wouldn't really understand the feeling, the whole story of my Grandma and I, and all the mixed emotions that accompany it. When someone asks you if you are feeling alright, the last thing they want or need to is to get your life story. A simple "I'm okay," works better, even if it's a lie.

Even if I were to investigate my situation, the reality is very difficult to see clearly. The are too many layers of the mind, too many emotions, and it gets hazy all too quickly. If it's so hard for me to understand what's going on in my own life, how can I hope to understand what's going on with another?

But yet I continue to hold judgments towards others.

And why? If I know this principle, that "you just never know,"  why do I continue to judge people?

The only reason I can think of is that I am ignorant.

I think I know, but I don't know.

I think I know, but really, I understand that I don't know. That's why I'm able to catch myself getting caught up in the judging mind. Sometimes, I don't catch it, but when I do, it really shows me just how ignorant I am. What I'm trying to now accept is that this is a GOOD thing. The important thing is what I do next. If I'm unable to realize that I'm often wrapped up in the tricks of the judging mind, I don't even have a chance to snap out of my own ignorance. Developing a sense of gratitude for realizing our weaknesses in this way is important.

A moment of awareness should be celebrated, even if we don't like what we are aware of. 

What is somewhat unfortunate is that the realization of my own ignorance is quite unpleasant. Sometimes, I think life would have been easier if I had never embarked on this journey in the first place. That's exactly why my reaction is critical. If I just pretend like I never saw anything, or that what I saw was untrue, I'm not doing myself any good. I might actually be making my life easier by denying, but I'd be a coward to walk away from a glimpse of truth.

So the challenge becomes, can we be brave enough to see the ugly truth and not run away? What that means, in this context, is that we have to be willing to let go of our judgments. Are we willing to sacrifice pleasantness in order to remove our ignorance?

If we want to be free, we must eradicate our ignorance that blurs our perception. Only when we can see clearly can we be free from the tricks of the mind. We tend to associate freedom with having options, being able to do whatever we want, but real freedom is from the conditioned mind.

Besides, people deserve a break. I know that I would appreciate if others gave me a break, as I don't feel like sharing the news of my Grandma's death with everyone on this course. I see death as a new beginning, but pity, I see no good in pity. What it really comes down to is compassion.

Do we need a cause to be compassionate?

If we do, maybe the understanding that you just never know what someone is going through can be our cause to be compassionate towards everyone at all times. If you're not convinced, let's consider the alternative model which is currently in place. To justify our mood swings, off-days, and grouchiness, we make matters worse by WHINING and COMPLAINING about EVERYTHING!

"My head hurts!"

"I'm hungry!" 

"It's so cold today!"

"It's so hot today!" 

Let's face it, we are needy, fragile, and sensitive beings. On a personal level, we might find ways to change this, by depending less on external sources of happiness and more on the unlimited source from within, but on an inter-personal level, we should just understand that this is the way we are. While I don't like advocating assumptions, I think it's safe to say that when someone is mistreating us, they are going through something, they are suffering. If we understand this suffering, compassion arises automatically. When compassion is there, we don't need to hear their justifications because we already understand. We might not know the details, but we don't need to. We also don't need to label them as an asshole or a bitch, we can just see that they are acting from a place of suffering. In this moment, we are free from the judging mind. Only problem is, it's all easier said than done. At least we know where to start...

May all beings understand that we can't ever know all the causes and conditions that lead people to act in ways that we don't like.

May all beings come to know suffering in order to spontaneously respond to the suffering of others with compassion.

May all beings see that you just never know what another person is going through, and use this understanding to free themselves from the habituated negativity of the judging mind.