Working with Weakness

What has come to my attention, now, is the problem that arises after we take a deep look within and come to know our weaknesses.

Now what?

Just because you are courageous enough to embark on this journey, and honest enough to admit that you have weaknesses, doesn't mean that your problems will be solved magically. Don't be mistaken, you have a taken a step in the right direction, but what you do next is critical. If you start judging yourself and only focus on your imperfections, you won't be any closer to finding freedom from your faults. Because of this, we must be careful not to let our reactions cripple us.

Imagine you've received a package of eggs in the mail. If you are overzealous while opening them, not realizing they are only eggs, you will break the eggs and it will be a mess. Maybe you never asked for a package of eggs, but you still must take care not to make the situation worse than it has to be. Similarly, we don't ask to be impatient, but guess what, we find that's exactly what we get.

If you carelessly toss the package aside and reject it, you will still find yourself picking up the pieces. To avoid this, one must get up, take the eggs to the fridge or the trash, and make sure they end up in the desired location. It's the same when dealing with our weaknesses. If you freak out upon finding a long list of faults, you're just going to make a mess. Instead, try dealing with them one at a time, with care, with understanding, with love.

So we have a plan, we'll deal with our imperfections one at a time, but we still might find that we don't know exactly what to do. What we need to know is that there won't be an exact science when it comes to working with ourselves. Having said that, there are guiding principles that we might find helpful. What I find interesting is that the principles I use to guide my formal meditation practice will also work here quite nicely.

Intention: This is setting the wheels in motion. If you don't have an intention to change, it will be nearly impossible. This is a good place to start, and come back to. Set the intentions, one at a time, and keep coming back to them whenever you can remember.

"I intend to be more patient."

Willingness: When the going gets tough, you will need some strength to endure the hardships. This requires digging down deep within yourself to find that courage and willingness to do what it takes to become a better person, despite any obstacles that you might encounter.

"I'm willing to take a hard look at myself, and when what I find is ugly, I'm willing to do the work."

Observation: This is keeping a watchful eye, doing your best to be aware of every time impatience arises. This can be made easier if a mental recognition accompanies the observation. Simply by saying to yourself, "Impatience arising," or "I see you impatience," you are reinforcing your intention and undercutting the power of the impatience to affect you in a negative way.

Acceptance: This comes in two parts. First, you have to be willing to admit that what you observe about yourself is true, without making excuses. Second, you must accept that what you observed is not a good representation of who or what you really are. Just let the impatience by impatience, and try not to identify with it.

Kindness: Because you don't identify, you keep things nice and light. Judgments may be present here, but the practice remains the same; keep watching and accepting, without identifying.

"Impatience is here, but I will allow it."

"Judgment is also here, and judgment is also welcome."

Just like this, we can work towards turning our weaknesses into strengths. We are careful not to resist whatever we find, and this is nothing more than a tactic, an  understanding of how the mind works.

"What you resist, persists."    - Carl Jung

If you fight, deny, or avoid, the problem just gets worse. Going back to the egg example, suppose someone is throwing eggs at you, and you can't get out of the way. If you try to swat at them, by resisting them, they will break all over you. The only way to handle the situation gracefully is to gently catch the eggs as they come your way. Develop acceptance, compassion, and tolerance. With these qualities in place, you will find that the impatience may begin to fall away on its own.

If it doesn't, it might be time to investigate.

"Where does my impatience come from? What causes it? What is the nature of impatience?"

What you may find while dealing with impatience is that it's supported by a core belief that, "I shouldn't have to suffer." If this is the case, you might ask yourself, "Why? Why shouldn't I have to suffer?" This notion, that one shouldn't have to suffer, is absurd. There are two birthrights to every person, that they will surely suffer, and that they will surely die. Everything else is uncertain. If we can eradicate this belief that we shouldn't have to suffer, we might find we are less sensitive to the stimuli that normally makes us impatient.

For example, you find yourself in a traffic jam, a prime catalyst for impatience to arise. Chances are, if you are an impatient person, you have lost your peace. To make matters worse, you look at the car next to you, and the driver seems totally unaffected. Maybe you think she isn't in a hurry, but that's not necessarily the case. It might be true that she's just a patient person overall, but who knows, maybe she is impatient with everything except traffic jams. So what is her secret? I would say it's to do with with expectations. If she isn't surprised by the traffic jam, she probably isn't freaking out because of it. People who drive for a living--cops, cabbies, and truckers--are more likely to remain calm and centered in a traffic jam because they know that it happens. Life happens. If you were caught in a traffic jam everyday, and you resisted it, you'd wear yourself out. At some point, you'd need to learn to let go for the sake of your own well-being.

I don't want to tell you to expect a traffic jam every time you pull out of the driveway, that would just lead to a jaded view on life. Instead, try this on for size.

Don't let life catch you off-guard.

If we can adapt this attitude, that we are ready-for-anything, impatience won't have a cause to manifest. When you practice noticing, "Impatience arising," see if you were also caught off-guard by the situation. If so, you might bring your efforts to eradicating this belief that you shouldn't have to suffer.

I used impatience here as one example of a common weakness that we suffer from, but these guiding principles of intention, willingness, observation, acceptance, and kindness, will help us to overcome any weakness; it's not just limited to impatience.

The details of the work that needs to be done might change, and that's when investigation comes into play. But with these tools, we have what we need to build a strong foundation. Just like a carpenter needs the right tools to build a house, we need the right tools to build personal strengths. And the best part, to me, is that we don't need to rely on anything but ourselves. We don't need to read a book or this blog, see a therapist or a have a guru, or ask our friends for help. If we do feel that we need to reach out for help, than it's wise to do so, but at the end of the day, only we can do the work. When we learn to rely on our own good-sense, and our abilities to observe and accept, we can really start working towards becoming a better person.

Just like a mathematician can apply different variables into the same equation, we can apply the same principles to dealing with our problems. All it takes is a little bit of trust, not in me or in some god, but that the power of observation, when paired with love and compassion, will change our life. The impatient mind doesn't like to be observed, because when it is, it starts to lose its power over us. In the same way, repeated observation of mental habits will weaken the habit until it is no longer the automated reaction. If we observe, we can have the opportunity to respond, instead of react, and in that moment, freedom becomes possible.

May all beings see that there are guiding principles to working with weaknesses.

May all beings be willing to apply these guiding principles in the spirit of self-improvement.

May all beings see that they are not their weaknesses, and thereby find freedom from them.