Don't Find Yourself, Keep Looking!

I remember not too long ago when I had come to the place where I thought I had "found myself," but now I'm not so sure. I received a message on Facebook today from a dear friend, someone who is undergoing some changes and thought to share his insights with me. I wrote him back, and realized how silly this concept of finding oneself really is. It seems to be something coveted too, only an option for those who are really willing to go within and start looking. But the problem is, this self is nowhere to be found, so anytime anyone thinks they have found it is experiencing nothing more than illusion of self, something concrete and fixed, some sort of entity, and the truth is, it's not there.

Okay, I admit it, I love to play with words, and twist them around my little finger, but why shouldn't I? In one sense, it's what makes the English language so beautiful. I don't know much about other languages, but in Thai for example, the possibilities to do this are very limited. In English, we can assign many different meanings to words, view them from different angles, and oftentimes, great poetry comes, an amazing song is spun, or that classic line from a movie is born that has a double meaning. The good news is that by adopting a new perspective on language, we can adopt a new perspective on life. Even though we aren't looking to polish our perspectives here, sometimes it can serve as a beautiful reminder of something we already know to be true in our hearts.

The journey to find yourself is perhaps the most important thing you can do during your short time here on planet earth. The fruit of this journey uncovers purpose, and our purpose is what brings about change. Change is the key word here. Getting in touch with ourselves implies that we move closer to what we really are, and so even though changes happen, it's not like we lose something. But with this moving closer to our essence comes the change I'm talking about, and that is change that our personal growth allows us to effect on a bigger scale, in our communities, in our countries, and on this planet. If we fail to understand that we are all here to participate in the nurturing and stewardship of this planet, we will lose it, and we will lose humanity along with it.

Confused yet?

I know, I said the journey to find yourself is the most important thing you can do, but finding yourself is perhaps the worst thing you can do. Why? Because as soon as you find, you stop looking. Besides, you might try asking, who is looking? The looking isn't a bad thing, but the finding is. If we think we have found ourselves, we have created ourselves. As soon as there is an "us," there is an "us vs. them." The idea here isn't to become someone, it is to simply be. Being yourself implies showing up to life, as it unfolds, from moment to moment. There is no standard here, no reputation to live up to, nothing to filter incoming data. When we create ourselves, we create an identity. Just like a character in a movie, this identity likes certain things, and dislikes others. It has certain tendencies, certain patters, it is predictable.

Do you want to be predictable? 

Predictability is not freedom. On the contrary, the more predictable we become, the less we are free. We become slaves to our identities, to the expectations that others come to form about us based on what we've done in the past. If you want to live in the past, and continue to perpetuate a past version of yourself into the future, you will continue to suffer. What about now? Shouldn't you be able to respond to life in this moment in whichever way you so choose? Yes, we need to be held accountable. If we have responsibilities, we need to take care that our actions in this moment don't threaten them. We need to take care that our actions in this moment don't hurt those we love. But, what we don't need to do is keep repeating conditioned reactions to the point that we might as well be two-dimensional and put on a TV screen.

I know this is a tough thing to understand. For me, trying to understand this, I become sad, because in some way, I don't want to lose myself. But at a deeper level, I know I need to learn to let go. In my own past I've been many people. I've changed many times and as I walk away from one identity I walk into another. If I'm not careful, my journey will just continue in this manner and I will be no closer to my real self, just further away from my old self, and this is not the point. The point isn't to get as far away from the "old me" as possible, it is to step into the field of mystery that is life, that I am a part of. In this field, there is no "me," there is just the everything-that-is. Yes, that includes my conditioned mind, my reputation, my own self-image, but it also includes my ability to put that aside and let something else guide me.

What I find from my own suffering is that the cause of it has already happened. It's like I don't even have a choice to do or not do something in the present moment because some past version of me already decided. In other words, I am so used to doing things in a certain way that when the time comes to do something else, I'm so blinded by my tendencies that I don't even see this window of opportunity, and I'm willing to go out on a limb and say this is how most of us go through life.

What my friend said to me, in his message, was that he was coming back to a blank slate, and I just thought that was such a clear way of looking at this. What I'm now remembering is that one night, him and I tried to collaborate on a painting. What happened was, we got to a point where there was so much paint on the canvas, that there was no turning back. Sure, we could have let the paint dry, and then start again, but that wasn't the point. We wanted to do something together, in the moment. Even though he is quite talented with a paintbrush, he couldn't save the mess we (I) had created. The final product was ugly, it wouldn't have even passed for art in some contemporary abstract sense of the word. I remember thinking that it was a total failure, but now, maybe 5 years later, I finally understand what it meant.
If we have too much paint on the canvas, we start running out of options. In the same way, if our projection of ourselves is too strong, we can't choose who to be when the time comes. That's what I mean by saying it's no use in finding yourself. If you find yourself once, you're done. Do you really want to be one person for the rest of your life? Unless you really think you are perfect already, that there is no reason to grow or change or evolve, then it's absurd to try to stuff yourself into a little box and write your name on it. If you do this, you might as well just write it on a name-tag and wear it everyday, like, "Hi, my name is Bob." If you think this name of yours is who you are, you might want to keep looking.

Yes, we all have personalities, and we should. How boring would life be if we were all exactly the same? Just as light is divided into all the colors of the rainbow as it passes through a diamond, so should the diversity and wonder of life be expressed in a unique way by each individual. But this isn't the whole story. Yes, we should be unique, we are unique, each and every one of us, but we should understand that this is just a convention, it's not asbolute. There is no unchanging entity within us that is unique. What can be unique is the expression of change, with this expression of impermanence. As soon as our uniqueness stops changing, it is no longer unique. What we tend to do instead is find some sort of label for ourselves, some sort of framework to make things easier. Instead of celebrating the way we see life, through our own eyes, we attach ourselves to some stereotype, some model. "I'm a hippie," or "I'm a big football guy." So now what? What does this really say about us?

Our personalities are meant to serve us, to help us discover our purpose in this life, the ways in which we can utilize ourselves for the benefit of the bigger picture. We have interests, passions, and something to offer. Everyone has something to offer this world, but most of us aren't offering it, because this idea isn't acknowledged. Instead of being encouraged by society to be unique, discover that gift that no one else on earth has but us, and sharing it with others, we are encouraged to stuff ourselves into these little boxes, assigning ourselves a role and responsibility and never question anything again. This is social slavery, and it is dulling the minds and hearts of the masses.

Instead, let's look within, and let's keep looking. Let's allow ourselves to respond to life with fresh eyes, from a blank slate. Let's create ourselves not in the sense that we are creating a fixed entity, but starting over again in every moment. When we find our purpose, we can share it with others, and when the purpose changes, we can go with the flow without having an identity crisis. With the understanding that there is really no one here to live up to, there is no "me" that I need to act in accordance with, I am free to be myself in the truest sense of the word. Yes, I will have a perspective, I will have an outlook on life, and that's okay. If we didn't we'd be even more lost than we are now. But do I really need to identify with it? Do I need to claim it as my own and build my life around it?

If I understand that my real essence is unchanging, but it has nothing to do with my name, gender, race, role, religion, or personality, I can loosen my grip to all these things. I can still have a name, but I know that it has nothing to do with the eternal self that lies behind these eyes. Then, I can let go of the idea of this self-created identity, and be free to meet the changing conditions of life as it unfolds, as necessary. I am tired of being a slave to my past, to my habits, to my self-image. Who is this person anyway? I know there is nothing to it, there is no one here, so why do I continue to fall victim to this? The truth is, it's not so easy to walk away from this image, from these tendencies of the mind. The good news is, we don't need to do so with totality to find some freedom.

"Let go a little, and you will have a little peace. Let go a lot, and you will have a lot of peace. Let go completely, and you will have complete peace." Ajahn Chah

Sure, I want complete peace, who doesn't? But the destination isn't important here, let's just keep moving forward. With each step comes new obstacles, and how we dealt with obstacles in the past no longer applies. There is a new "us" now, we are a blank slate, and we can paint any picture we want to see. Become a new person, try new things, make those changes, you won't regret it. And if those you share your life with don't like the "new you," make sure you show them why these changes are for the best. If your change doesn't make you a nicer, more agreeable person, with less buttons to push and more empathy towards others, you are probably moving further away from your innate perfection. No worries, we can always toss aside the muddled canvas for a blank slate.

We can start over again as many times as we want. It is never too late for a new beginning, for second chances, to make amends, to turn our lives in a more positive direction. It's never too late to do what "we" would never do, take up dancing, say we are sorry, or travel to a new place. It's never too late to be the person we could be, resisting the urge to fall into habituated reactions, and finding an ability to choose in even simple matters of what to wear or what's for breakfast. We don't have to think radically, about how we need to walk away from the life we have created, instead, we can see that the life we have created is something that is just a convention, it doesn't account for the way we have to be on the inside.

We can still show up for our lives, but now, we can see the beauty and the mystery of the ever-changing moment. We can connect with this idea that there is no "us" that needs to look and speak and act in a particular way, like a character in a movie. Instead of finding ourselves, we can just be ourselves, and see that nothing needs to be predictable about us, nothing needs to remain constant. In this way of being, we see ourselves pulsing in and out of existence in every moment, not carrying any baggage with us, ready for anything. We see that instead of finding, we'd much rather keep looking.

May all beings see that the idea of finding yourself is nothing to strive for, as we are not like characters in a movie, predictable, and two-dimensional.

May all beings meet the changing conditions of life as it unfolds with fresh eyes, with a blank slate.

May all beings look for themselves, but not to find, just to look, to see what's there, and use what they find to express themselves in a natural way, in order to find purpose, in order to effect change, for the benefit of all.

Thanks for reading. May your journey within be filled with mystery, magic, and beauty.

You Just Never Know

On Monday, I woke up with a sore throat and decided to opt for silence. Since the creators of the yoga program I'm participating in already implemented this as an option, all I had to do was stick the "Silence" button on my shirt and everyone understood. Although not everyone in our group of fourteen had taken a silent day, quite a few had. If this isn't something you have tried, it can be a very interesting and revealing experience. I've spent many days of my life in silence, while on meditation retreats, but in those environments, silence is compulsory.

Being the only one in the group not speaking was a little bit different, but the inner experience usually seems to be the same, like the swinging of a pendulum. Sometimes, it's crystal clear and calm, like a still forest pool, and other times, it's more like a tsunami. Without an oral outlet for our thoughts, we are forced to bear with them. They become more obvious than on a "normal" day. As I held the reality of my inner world, I couldn't help but to notice how negative my thoughts were. Not all of them were negative, but many were. I was admittedly having somewhat of an "off" day, but I am tempted to believe that I sometimes carry on in such a manner even on a normal day, I just don't always realize it.

Because we depend on external conditions for our happiness, I'd be willing to bet that most of us are in the same situation here. So what is the problem? The problem is that our negative reactions to life are usually based in delusion. In particular, our judgments towards others, which make up much of our negative mental atmosphere, are largely based on false pretenses. We don't realize this is happening until it's us who needs to be excused.

Yesterday, I found out that my Grandma passed away. The sensitivity that I felt on Monday has now multiplied, and I think some people around me have started to notice that something is wrong. Since they don't know that I lost my last grandparent, they can only assume that I'm acting this way because I'm a miserable and unhappy person. If I go on to mistreat someone on account of these conditions, in this state of sensitivity, they can only assume I'm an asshole.

And why shouldn't they?

On one hand, they have every right to assume what they will about me because their assumptions come from their own observations. On the other hand, they don't really know the whole story. In fact, it's impossible for us to really know and understand what's going on with another person, and therefore, we should bring a conscious effort to refrain from assuming things about people and thereby judging them.

You just never know.

Even if we inquire, if we investigate, we won't get the whole story. This morning, one of my fellow yogis asked me if something was wrong, but I told her there was nothing, because even if I told her my Grandma died, she wouldn't really understand the feeling, the whole story of my Grandma and I, and all the mixed emotions that accompany it. When someone asks you if you are feeling alright, the last thing they want or need to is to get your life story. A simple "I'm okay," works better, even if it's a lie. Of course, we can share our intimate problems with those closest to us, but since I've known these people on this course for just a couple weeks, it doesn't seem right to burden them with something like this.

Even if I were to investigate my situation, the reality is very difficult to see clearly. The are too many layers of the mind, too many emotions, and it gets hazy all too quickly. If it's so hard for me to understand what's going on in my own life, how can I hope to understand what's going on with another?

But yet I continue to hold judgments towards others.

And why? If I know this principle, that "you just never know,"  why do I continue to judge people?

The only reason I can think of is that I am ignorant.

I think I know, but I don't know. 

I think I know, but really, I understand that I don't know. That's why I'm able to catch myself getting caught up in the judging mind. Sometimes, I don't catch it, but when I do, it really shows me just how ignorant I am. What I'm trying to now accept is that this is a good thing. The important thing is what I do next. If I'm unable to realize that I'm often wrapped up in the tricks of the judging mind, I don't even have a chance to snap out of my own ignorance. Developing a sense of gratitude for realizing our weaknesses in this way is important.


"You Just Never Know"

On Monday, I woke up with a sore throat and decided to opt for silence. Since the creators of the yoga program I'm participating in already implemented this as an option, all I had to do was stick the "Silence" button on my shirt and everyone understood. Although not everyone in our group of fourteen took a silent day, quite a few had. If this isn't something you have tried, it can be a very interesting and revealing experience. I've spent many days of my life in silence, while on meditation retreats, but in those environments, silence is compulsory.

Being the only one in the group not speaking was a little bit different, but the inner experience usually seems to be the same, like the swinging of a pendulum. Sometimes, it's crystal clear and calm, like a still forest pool, and other times, it's more like a tsunami. Without an oral outlet for our thoughts, we are forced to bear with them. They become more obvious than on a "normal" day. As I held the reality of my inner world, I couldn't help but to notice how negative my thoughts were. Not all of them were negative, but many were. I was admittedly having somewhat of an "off" day, but I am tempted to believe that I carry on in such a manner even on a normal day, I just don't always realize it.

Because we depend on external conditions for our happiness, I'd be willing to bet that most of us are in the same situation here. So what is the problem? The problem is that our negative reactions to life are usually based in delusion. In particular, our judgments towards others, which make up much of our negative mental atmosphere, are largely based on false pretenses. We don't realize this is happening until it's us who needs to be excused.

Yesterday, I found out that my Grandma passed away. The sensitivity that I felt on Monday has now multiplied, and I think some people around me have started to notice that something is wrong. Since they don't know that I lost my last grandparent, they can only assume that I'm acting this way because I'm a miserable and unhappy person. If I go  on to mistreat someone on account of these conditions, in this state of sensitivity, they can only assume I'm an asshole.

And why shouldn't they?

On one hand, they have every right to assume what they will about me because their assumptions come from their own observations. On the other hand, they don't really know the whole story. In fact, it's impossible for us to really know and understand what's going on with another person, and therefore, we should bring a conscious effort to refrain from assuming things about people and thereby judging them.

You just never know.

Even if we inquire, if we investigate, we won't get the whole story. This morning, one of my fellow yogis asked me if something was wrong, but I told her there was nothing, because even if I told her my Grandma died, she wouldn't really understand the feeling, the whole story of my Grandma and I, and all the mixed emotions that accompany it. When someone asks you if you are feeling alright, the last thing they want or need to is to get your life story. A simple "I'm okay," works better, even if it's a lie.

Even if I were to investigate my situation, the reality is very difficult to see clearly. The are too many layers of the mind, too many emotions, and it gets hazy all too quickly. If it's so hard for me to understand what's going on in my own life, how can I hope to understand what's going on with another?

But yet I continue to hold judgments towards others.

And why? If I know this principle, that "you just never know,"  why do I continue to judge people?

The only reason I can think of is that I am ignorant.

I think I know, but I don't know.

I think I know, but really, I understand that I don't know. That's why I'm able to catch myself getting caught up in the judging mind. Sometimes, I don't catch it, but when I do, it really shows me just how ignorant I am. What I'm trying to now accept is that this is a GOOD thing. The important thing is what I do next. If I'm unable to realize that I'm often wrapped up in the tricks of the judging mind, I don't even have a chance to snap out of my own ignorance. Developing a sense of gratitude for realizing our weaknesses in this way is important.

A moment of awareness should be celebrated, even if we don't like what we are aware of. 

What is somewhat unfortunate is that the realization of my own ignorance is quite unpleasant. Sometimes, I think life would have been easier if I had never embarked on this journey in the first place. That's exactly why my reaction is critical. If I just pretend like I never saw anything, or that what I saw was untrue, I'm not doing myself any good. I might actually be making my life easier by denying, but I'd be a coward to walk away from a glimpse of truth.

So the challenge becomes, can we be brave enough to see the ugly truth and not run away? What that means, in this context, is that we have to be willing to let go of our judgments. Are we willing to sacrifice pleasantness in order to remove our ignorance?

If we want to be free, we must eradicate our ignorance that blurs our perception. Only when we can see clearly can we be free from the tricks of the mind. We tend to associate freedom with having options, being able to do whatever we want, but real freedom is from the conditioned mind.

Besides, people deserve a break. I know that I would appreciate if others gave me a break, as I don't feel like sharing the news of my Grandma's death with everyone on this course. I see death as a new beginning, but pity, I see no good in pity. What it really comes down to is compassion.

Do we need a cause to be compassionate?

If we do, maybe the understanding that you just never know what someone is going through can be our cause to be compassionate towards everyone at all times. If you're not convinced, let's consider the alternative model which is currently in place. To justify our mood swings, off-days, and grouchiness, we make matters worse by WHINING and COMPLAINING about EVERYTHING!

"My head hurts!"

"I'm hungry!" 

"It's so cold today!"

"It's so hot today!" 

Let's face it, we are needy, fragile, and sensitive beings. On a personal level, we might find ways to change this, by depending less on external sources of happiness and more on the unlimited source from within, but on an inter-personal level, we should just understand that this is the way we are. While I don't like advocating assumptions, I think it's safe to say that when someone is mistreating us, they are going through something, they are suffering. If we understand this suffering, compassion arises automatically. When compassion is there, we don't need to hear their justifications because we already understand. We might not know the details, but we don't need to. We also don't need to label them as an asshole or a bitch, we can just see that they are acting from a place of suffering. In this moment, we are free from the judging mind. Only problem is, it's all easier said than done. At least we know where to start...

May all beings understand that we can't ever know all the causes and conditions that lead people to act in ways that we don't like.

May all beings come to know suffering in order to spontaneously respond to the suffering of others with compassion.

May all beings see that you just never know what another person is going through, and use this understanding to free themselves from the habituated negativity of the judging mind.

Breathe Into the Resistance

We tend to get so caught up in life. We have responsibilities, jobs, roles, hobbies, passions, chores, relationships, entertainment, and countless other things to occupy our time. Sometimes, it's helpful to just take a step back from our reality in an attempt to see what's really going on.

"How did I get here? Was it my choices that led me here, or was it the hand I was given? What is the purpose of me experiencing exactly what I am experiencing in this very moment?"

Although the details of the answers to these questions may vary, there is one answer that will always fit.

"You are always experiencing exactly what you need in order to learn, grow, and evolve as a human being."

It's too often that we forget that each moment is special, and that everything in our life is an opportunity. Especially when life gets stale, and we get too caught up in responsibility and routine, we lose sight of the significance of where we are. If you take the time to contemplate all the events that led up to this very moment, it's impossible to not be captivated. So many things had to go right, or wrong, in order for you to be here, now. It might not be where you want to be at this moment, but that's besides the point. The point is that you are here for a reason, and to deny this is to miss out on what life is offering up to you.

Since I currently find myself here in India, training to be a yoga teacher, it would be obvious to say that why I'm here is to learn yoga. But when I asked myself this question, yoga had nothing to do with it. Okay, okay, technically, yoga has everything to do with it, but for the sake of this article, it may as well not have. Instead, I find that I am here to learn about myself, to learn about life, and that's exactly what I'm doing. That's not why I came here, at least when analyzing the conscious driving force that brought me all this way, but that's the real reason I came. This is the idea, that we think we do things for the reasons that we have to do them, but really, there is something else at work. We are always being guided to what we need next, and the most important aspect of why we are in a situation usually isn't the one that we are immediately aware of. If you told me that I should go to India and participate in a yoga teacher training course so I could learn about myself, I'd say why bother? I can learn about myself anywhere, in any situation, and that's true.

But I'm telling you, there is something magical about me being here, and it's difficult to describe. It's that feeling that I am exactly where I need to be, and I don't take that lightly, considering that I already dropped out of two yoga teacher training courses precisely because I felt like I wasn't where I needed to be. Something is guiding me, something brought me here, and I intend to take full advantage of this beautiful opportunity to get in touch with myself.

So what I am learning? Honestly, it's nothing new, but when it comes to getting through this thick skull, repetition is key. I need to learn something over and over and over again until it really sinks in. What I'm learning, is to breathe into the resistance. On the yoga mat, we try to put our bodies into all sorts of weird shapes, but why? Is it merely a show of ability? Is it just for exercise? Absolutely not.

It might not be a secret to you that yoga means union. By willfully putting ourselves into difficult situations, we learn how to deal with them. It doesn't matter if a difficult situation is standing on your head or arguing with your spouse, both problems can be solved with the same principles. By breathing into the resistance, we find space, we find clarity, and we find an opportunity. How will we define ourselves by what we do next? Are we just going to give up? Are we going to grit our teeth and fight it out? Neither option will solve the problem. Both are forms of avoidance.

Instead, we need to learn to accept life's challenges, and find our self somewhere in the middle. When your body is twisted and turned this way and that, you can barely breathe, and you are struggling to stay balanced, you find yourself behind all of it, silently witnessing the inner battle. Suddenly, you realize you are not this body, you are not the mind that is judging the situation and complaining about lack of flexibility or having to hold the pose too long. Amidst all the suffering, you remain unaffected.

When we breathe into the resistance, either literally or metaphorically, we can come to understand the true nature of the resistance. Why are we resisting when we can just let go? That doesn't mean we let go of our pose on the yoga mat, and it doesn't mean that we let go of our poise in life. We still need to act, we need to be engaged in life, but the battle is impersonal. Even if the battle is happening, we don't need to cast ourselves as the hero, or the victim. Don't we get enough drama from outside sources?

I think having sat silent meditation retreats has made this experience much easier for me, but this concept of breathing into the resistance is something that I don't get to use on those. On these retreats that I've sat, the only tool for dealing with resistance is the mind, which is quite difficult. It's too easy to get lost in all the layers.

In yoga though, there are many physical techniques to deal with the mind, and many of them involve the breath. If we take a deep breath in, tension is released. If we are working on a certain part of our body, and there is tension there, we breathe into that part and we find that we can open up even more. This is a metaphor for life. When we have resistance, and we breathe into it, we can rise to the challenge, find our center, and practice letting go. It's that mental block that's holding us back, and the blockage is only effective if we aren't aware of it. By identifying the block, and breathing into it, we are sending it love and healing energy. Blocks don't like love, they don't like to be healed, it scares them. But we don't like blocks, so we don't worry. We want to remove mental blocks, whether on the yoga mat, or in our daily life, so that we can see clearly, and put things into perspective.

If we aren't happy with where we are in life, maybe this perspective will help us to understand what it is that is waiting for us here. What can we learn from this situation? What kind of action will it take to change things? Remember, that if you didn't have difficult situations, you couldn't experience the joy of overcoming them. If you didn't have low periods, there wouldn't be any high periods either. Everything is relative. If we don't learn from the changing conditions, if we don't use the opportunities to grow and evolve, we are just drifting around in circles, caught in a back-eddy of life. We need to untangle ourselves from the debris that keep us stagnant, and allow the river of life to take us to the ocean of freedom.

Throughout these days, on this one-month course, many obstacles present themselves to me, both mentally and physically. If I can stay connected to this idea that there is a deeper purpose to my being here, I'm sure to make things easier on myself. Whether it be frustration, judgment, or just a bad mood, can I see it as a beautiful opportunity to breathe into the resistance, and thereby open up a whole new dimension of being alive in that moment? I hope so.

May all beings be open to the idea that there is a reason that they find themselves in whatever situation they find themselves in.

May all beings use resistance to open up to the opportunities that allow for personal growth, change, and evolution.

May all beings be at peace with difficult situations, keeping the perspective that they are right where they need to be, and that by realizing this, they can get to where they need to go.

Applying an Antidote

In the last few articles, we've uncovered a path that is suitable for all, which is the practice of identifying personal weaknesses we may have and turning them into strengths. We've developed a set of guiding principles, namely intention, willingness, observation, acceptance, and kindness, to help us connect with our own innate wisdom that already knows what's best for us in any given situation. Of course, this system is only offered if it seems to fit, as ultimately, we know that the universal path can't have a set structure. This structure seems to work for me, but feel free to adjust it to your own liking, or develop something entirely different. 

We already saw that the set I developed is incomplete, because it doesn't directly include things like non-identification and investigation. Another concept or aspect of this personal path to becoming a better person might be the application of an antidote. While on one hand, we practice acceptance, on the other hand, we work towards change. These may seem like contradictory concepts, but we find that in order to bring about change, we need to accept that things could be better. If we deny, we are powerless.

Applying antidotes isn't necessarily just for our weaknesses. I'd say personal weaknesses, in a spiritual sense, are our non-virtuous qualities. It has nothing to do with things like memory, intelligence, or mental or physical functioning. While we may often find that we don't have control over things like intelligence, our spiritual weaknesses are our responsibilities, and we are able to turn them into strengths. In order to do this, we simply have to figure out what needs to be done, and do the work.

Unwholesome states of mind are other good candidates for the application of antidotes. While these unwholesome states of mind can be related to our spiritual weaknesses, usually causally, the mind states themselves can be treated independently, and ideally, we can treat them before they turn into weaknesses. 

For example, anger is an unwholesome state of mind. Problems with anger is a weakness. Anger is perfectly natural and acceptable, and it is very difficult to get to the place where anger doesn't arise. I'll let you know if and when that day comes for me. Until then, the plan is to learn how to deal with it. So in the spirit of acceptance, we come to terms with the idea that anger will arise. We know that blocking anger won't work, it will just make us boil inside until we explode. 

So what can do we when anger arises?

Well, going back to the guiding principles, we can observe, accept, and be kind to ourselves, understanding that it's a totally natural experience. 

Allow yourself to be imperfect. 

We might also find that these steps alone are peacefully-powerful enough to eradicate the unwholesome state of mind, but if the anger is too strong, we might still  feel angry. 

This type of practice will help us determine the difference between feeling angry and being angry. Feelings come and go, and we don't directly have control over them. As it turns out, they are controlled by past conditioning coming in contact with internal or external stimuli. We can become a control-freak, always trying to avoid coming into contact with stimuli that will provoke our past conditioning into unwholesome states of mind, but we know that this too, is a weakness. We don't want to be fragile, always having to be careful about being exposed to changing situations. While we may make wise choices, such as avoiding bars if we have a drinking problem, we also don't want to have to hide from life. In other words, we don't want to let fear running our lives. 

Being angry involves action. We can't always control past conditioning or the incoming stimuli, but we can control the ways we either react or respond to this incoming stimuli. Reactions are generally considered unconscious actions and responses are considered conscious. Since reactions are hard-wired and habitual, it might not be as simple as choosing to respond instead of react. But, there is hope. Slowly, with practice, patience, and persistence, we will find that the tendencies of the mind will be less reactive and more responsive. Another way of looking at it is that the mind reacts, the heart responds. Instead of reacting with anger, impatience, judgment, or negativity, we can respond with love, compassion, understanding, and wisdom.

Now that we understand the relationship between unwholesome states of mind and our spiritual weaknesses, we can start applying antidotes in the spirit of preventative medicine. In other words, if we apply an antidote when anger arises, we can avoid having "problems with anger."

So what is the antidote to anger?

I want first to ask you something. What do you think it is?

I don't want to tell you, not that I know anyway, but I want to point to the innate wisdom within you that already knows.  That's what this all about. It's not about memorizing a system or following what someone else says, it's about listening to our own inner-guidance. In order to listen, we need to find that voice, the voice of the heart, that's impersonal, doesn't belong to us, and always knows what's best for us. So if you're looking for the easy answer, you've come to the wrong place. This must be an inward journey of exploration. It might include experimentation or trial and error. What works for you might not work for another. What works for you one day might not be helpful the next day. 

The mind is too complex to offer concrete solutions. Anger that arises when your waiter messes up your order at a restaurant might require a different antidote than the anger that arises when a bad memory from childhood comes up. Because of this, we need to ask ourselves, "What do I need in this moment? What will enable me to avoid reacting to the anger impulsively and allow me to connect to the wise response of the heart?" 

Also, through investigation, we can potentially determine the root of the unwholesome mind state, in this case anger, and that will help us find the correct antidote. If we think the anger is being caused because of impatience, maybe we just need to practice the age-old antidote to anger and take a few deep breaths. If our anger is caused because we are holding on to a grudge or are resentful, maybe we can apply to antidote of forgiveness. If we are being overly critical, like with the waiter who brought us the wrong dish, maybe we need to apply compassion, and try to understand that maybe he was just busy or is having difficulties at home and can't focus. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

The truth is, I don't know. Only you can know what's best for you. Develop the capacity to listen to your inner-guidance and you don't need me or anyone else telling you what to do. And if you are like me, that's a good thing, because I don't like people telling me what to do. I have found too many people that either don't have my best interests in mind or just don't know what's best for me. As it has turned out, me being stubborn in this way has helped me to learn to trust in my own capacity to listen to my heart. Even if people have good intentions, they don't know what's best for me, they can only guess. Only I can ever know. 

May all beings see the difference between unwholesome states of mind and spiritual weaknesses. 

May all beings learn to respond with love and wisdom instead of react with negativity. 

May all beings learn to trust in their own capacity to listen to the heart, which never lies, and always knows what's best for them. 

Watching the Watcher: Behind These Eyes

While walking to the yoga hall just now, my attention was drawn to a friend of mine, Serena, taking photos of some birds from her second-storey balcony. I didn't stand there staring at her for long, but what struck me was that she had no idea I was watching her. It was quite a beautiful moment, and it made me think about meditation. I was like that aspect of observation in meditation, that watches our direct experience as it comes it through the sense doors. In Buddhism, there are six sense doors, including the mind, so the watcher is basically the consciousness that arises to meet the incoming stimuli. In other words, it is what acknowledges life as we know it.

After soaking up the symbolism of the moment, I turned to walk away, and that's when the reality of the situation really became clear. There, off to the side, standing under a tree, was an Indian man that I had never seen before, and wouldn't you know it, he was staring right at me! Just when I thought I was being clever, watching someone without them knowing it, I came to find that someone was one-up on me. For all I know, he was aware that I was watching my friend, and aware that she was photographing birds that were sitting in the tree that he happened to be standing under.

Who was this guy?

When we connect with the watcher during meditation, we become aware of some aspect of our experience. This is what we call mindfulness. We can be mindful of sounds, sights, tastes, touch, smells, thoughts, and feelings. But is this the whole picture? Is there another aspect of our consciousness? Is there any other way we can experience being alive in this moment?

How many objects can we be mindful of simultaneously?

If nothing else, it's a place to become curious about...

But what happens when we turns this capacity to observe back on itself? What happens when we "watch the watcher?"

Just like looking in the mirror, watching the watcher allows us to see what lies behind these eyes. Ajahn Chah, a great 20th century Buddhist monk from the Thai Forest Tradition, said, "Be with the one who knows." It's just like the Indian man who was standing under the tree. He was the only one who really knew what was going on. I thought I knew, but what I found was that I didn't know, he knew. I knew one thing that was going on, but he knew everything. Even though my level of perception was valid, that what I saw was true, there was a whole other level that I wasn't aware of.

Let's use an example in the body. If you haven't explored your consciousness before, it might be difficult, but bear with me here. Bring your attention to your right hand. Be your hand. Zoom your experience in to what it is to be a hand. Let's call it hand-ness. Feel the direct connection to the sensations that are present. The weight, the touch of the air on the skin, the temperature, any vibrations, numbness, anything. Just sense whatever you can about your right hand. Now, zoom out, but stay connected with your hand. This time, connect with the capacity to notice the particular sensations present in your hand. Can you feel the difference?

In the first example, there is just the hand, nothing else exists. This is you watching the hand. In the second example, there is only knowing. But this time, the experience isn't limited to just the hand, is it? The one who knows, knows everything. This means that it also knows everything else that is happening at any given point in time. Think of it like a wide-angled lens. If you are taking a group photo, and want to squeeze everyone into the shot, you might need to have a wide-angled lens on your camera. Or, if you have a zoom, camera, you'd just zoom out. The other aspect of the watcher is that it isn't affected by what it sees. It is in this respect that it is also known as the "unmoved observer." It's effectively taking a step back from experience, as far back as you can, until your personality is no longer filtering the incoming stimuli. You are now getting a direct feed.

When we are zoomed in, the mind is working. We perceive something, and then we have an opinion about it. While it's not necessarily so that while we observe, judgments will be there, it is likely that they will. On the other hand, the observer does not judge, it only perceives. What happens is that the observer witnesses something and then the mind comes in with its judgment. There's nothing wrong with this, especially if we are also keen to watching the judgment, and dis-identifying with them, but since judgments parade around as being the voice of "us," this can be quite difficult.

When our observations become self-aware, we can rest as this silent-witness, and keep a safe distance between us and our judgments. In Tibetan Buddhism, this is called Awareness of Awareness. Awareness is always happening, but are you aware of your awareness? If not, you may find that you are lost in the thoughts and judgments of the conditioned mind.

Awareness itself is not bound to conditions. It is the same now as it was when you were born. Unlike your personality, which is constantly changing, awareness is who and what your really are. If you want to truly know yourself, your true nature, you can practice watching the watcher. Don't try to understand it intellectually, it's not possible. If you think you understand, then I hate to say it, but you don't. It must be experienced.

This practice is somewhat difficult. Sometimes, I feel like I am aware of my awareness, but most of the time, my awareness carries on without me knowing it. It's that moment when time stops, when life feels like a lucid dream, like when you look over and realize the strange man standing under a tree has been watching you the entire time. It's that next layer of perception, it's taking a step back from the way we normally see the world. Normally, we filter all incoming stimuli and therefore we can only see things subjectively. So long as we view the world like this, reality of life remains a mystery, and we might as well be dreaming.

It might not be possible or appropriate to remain in this state of hyper-awareness at all times. Since awareness is always at work, whether we are connected to it or not, the urgency isn't really there. In other words, we don't need to feel like we have to stay connected. There is nothing we have to do. Instead, if we can remind ourselves to watch the watcher from time to time, we will start to see the difference between reality as-we-know-it and reality as-it-is.

What is the relationship between the perceived and our perception?

If we are zoomed in too far, and not careful about avoiding entanglement in the mind's interpretation of whatever we are perceiving, we lose all hope of objectivity. This is what we call someone who has their head up their ass. It leads to narrow-mindedness, intolerance, ignorance, impatience, judgment, anger, and discontentedness. Seeing the bigger picture allows us to be free from our own subjectivity, at least from time to time. It gives us a chance to take a break from what we call "our self." Don't you get sick of a person you spend too much uninterrupted time with?

In the same way, we are all sick of ourselves, we all yearn to take a break . That's why we seek distraction; a good book, the internet, a nice meal, a vacation, but what we find is that we don't need to anything to find this much-needed relief except to turn our awareness back in on itself. The invitation is to watch your body, mind, and personality in action as if you had no connection to them whatsoever. Pretend it is someone with whom you've never met before.

You don't own your awareness, it's impersonal. What that means is that awareness is universal, it exists unchanged in all forms of life. This is the Infinite, Eternal, Unbound Source of all creation, and you have unlimited access to it!

Excited yet?

May all beings come to see that who and what they really are is beyond the body, mind, and personality.

May all beings see themselves as Infinite, Eternal, and Unbound.

May all beings connect with their true-nature by turning their awareness back in on itself, by "watching the watcher."

Working with Weakness

What has come to my attention, now, is the problem that arises after we take a deep look within and come to know our weaknesses.

Now what?

Just because you are courageous enough to embark on this journey, and honest enough to admit that you have weaknesses, doesn't mean that your problems will be solved magically. Don't be mistaken, you have a taken a step in the right direction, but what you do next is critical. If you start judging yourself and only focus on your imperfections, you won't be any closer to finding freedom from your faults. Because of this, we must be careful not to let our reactions cripple us.

Imagine you've received a package of eggs in the mail. If you are overzealous while opening them, not realizing they are only eggs, you will break the eggs and it will be a mess. Maybe you never asked for a package of eggs, but you still must take care not to make the situation worse than it has to be. Similarly, we don't ask to be impatient, but guess what, we find that's exactly what we get.

If you carelessly toss the package aside and reject it, you will still find yourself picking up the pieces. To avoid this, one must get up, take the eggs to the fridge or the trash, and make sure they end up in the desired location. It's the same when dealing with our weaknesses. If you freak out upon finding a long list of faults, you're just going to make a mess. Instead, try dealing with them one at a time, with care, with understanding, with love.

So we have a plan, we'll deal with our imperfections one at a time, but we still might find that we don't know exactly what to do. What we need to know is that there won't be an exact science when it comes to working with ourselves. Having said that, there are guiding principles that we might find helpful. What I find interesting is that the principles I use to guide my formal meditation practice will also work here quite nicely.

Intention: This is setting the wheels in motion. If you don't have an intention to change, it will be nearly impossible. This is a good place to start, and come back to. Set the intentions, one at a time, and keep coming back to them whenever you can remember.

"I intend to be more patient."

Willingness: When the going gets tough, you will need some strength to endure the hardships. This requires digging down deep within yourself to find that courage and willingness to do what it takes to become a better person, despite any obstacles that you might encounter.

"I'm willing to take a hard look at myself, and when what I find is ugly, I'm willing to do the work."

Observation: This is keeping a watchful eye, doing your best to be aware of every time impatience arises. This can be made easier if a mental recognition accompanies the observation. Simply by saying to yourself, "Impatience arising," or "I see you impatience," you are reinforcing your intention and undercutting the power of the impatience to affect you in a negative way.

Acceptance: This comes in two parts. First, you have to be willing to admit that what you observe about yourself is true, without making excuses. Second, you must accept that what you observed is not a good representation of who or what you really are. Just let the impatience by impatience, and try not to identify with it.

Kindness: Because you don't identify, you keep things nice and light. Judgments may be present here, but the practice remains the same; keep watching and accepting, without identifying.

"Impatience is here, but I will allow it."

"Judgment is also here, and judgment is also welcome."

Just like this, we can work towards turning our weaknesses into strengths. We are careful not to resist whatever we find, and this is nothing more than a tactic, an  understanding of how the mind works.

"What you resist, persists."    - Carl Jung

If you fight, deny, or avoid, the problem just gets worse. Going back to the egg example, suppose someone is throwing eggs at you, and you can't get out of the way. If you try to swat at them, by resisting them, they will break all over you. The only way to handle the situation gracefully is to gently catch the eggs as they come your way. Develop acceptance, compassion, and tolerance. With these qualities in place, you will find that the impatience may begin to fall away on its own.

If it doesn't, it might be time to investigate.

"Where does my impatience come from? What causes it? What is the nature of impatience?"

What you may find while dealing with impatience is that it's supported by a core belief that, "I shouldn't have to suffer." If this is the case, you might ask yourself, "Why? Why shouldn't I have to suffer?" This notion, that one shouldn't have to suffer, is absurd. There are two birthrights to every person, that they will surely suffer, and that they will surely die. Everything else is uncertain. If we can eradicate this belief that we shouldn't have to suffer, we might find we are less sensitive to the stimuli that normally makes us impatient.

For example, you find yourself in a traffic jam, a prime catalyst for impatience to arise. Chances are, if you are an impatient person, you have lost your peace. To make matters worse, you look at the car next to you, and the driver seems totally unaffected. Maybe you think she isn't in a hurry, but that's not necessarily the case. It might be true that she's just a patient person overall, but who knows, maybe she is impatient with everything except traffic jams. So what is her secret? I would say it's to do with with expectations. If she isn't surprised by the traffic jam, she probably isn't freaking out because of it. People who drive for a living--cops, cabbies, and truckers--are more likely to remain calm and centered in a traffic jam because they know that it happens. Life happens. If you were caught in a traffic jam everyday, and you resisted it, you'd wear yourself out. At some point, you'd need to learn to let go for the sake of your own well-being.

I don't want to tell you to expect a traffic jam every time you pull out of the driveway, that would just lead to a jaded view on life. Instead, try this on for size.

Don't let life catch you off-guard.

If we can adapt this attitude, that we are ready-for-anything, impatience won't have a cause to manifest. When you practice noticing, "Impatience arising," see if you were also caught off-guard by the situation. If so, you might bring your efforts to eradicating this belief that you shouldn't have to suffer.

I used impatience here as one example of a common weakness that we suffer from, but these guiding principles of intention, willingness, observation, acceptance, and kindness, will help us to overcome any weakness; it's not just limited to impatience.

The details of the work that needs to be done might change, and that's when investigation comes into play. But with these tools, we have what we need to build a strong foundation. Just like a carpenter needs the right tools to build a house, we need the right tools to build personal strengths. And the best part, to me, is that we don't need to rely on anything but ourselves. We don't need to read a book or this blog, see a therapist or a have a guru, or ask our friends for help. If we do feel that we need to reach out for help, than it's wise to do so, but at the end of the day, only we can do the work. When we learn to rely on our own good-sense, and our abilities to observe and accept, we can really start working towards becoming a better person.

Just like a mathematician can apply different variables into the same equation, we can apply the same principles to dealing with our problems. All it takes is a little bit of trust, not in me or in some god, but that the power of observation, when paired with love and compassion, will change our life. The impatient mind doesn't like to be observed, because when it is, it starts to lose its power over us. In the same way, repeated observation of mental habits will weaken the habit until it is no longer the automated reaction. If we observe, we can have the opportunity to respond, instead of react, and in that moment, freedom becomes possible.

May all beings see that there are guiding principles to working with weaknesses.

May all beings be willing to apply these guiding principles in the spirit of self-improvement.

May all beings see that they are not their weaknesses, and thereby find freedom from them.

The Universal Path

As I mentioned briefly in the previous post, finding a spiritual life doesn't mean you need to make any radical changes. You don't need to buy into anything, change your religion, or adopt some crazy practices. All that is required is a little bit of willingness to take a look inside and then an intention to become a better person. While I personally did change my life quite drastically, adopted the Buddhist path, and moved to Asia, I know that's not for everyone. In fact, there's not much out there that is for everyone. Even though I am a strong believer in things like meditation, I know that there are hundreds of  different kinds of meditation, making it quite confusing, and some may not be ready for any of them. Instead of seeing it as those who meditate and consider themselves on a spiritual path vs. those who don't and are considered "normal people," I think what's more important is a new paradigm.

In this new paradigm, what I'll call the universal path, spirituality loses its structure. There is no need for this or that, it doesn't even need to have a name. It's not just for some, it's for everyone. As soon as it takes a shape, as soon as it turns into a system, it loses its universality. Knowing this, we can find those ways to change our lives, if even on a small scale, and we can still invite spirituality into our lives, in a simple, practical, and most importantly, personal way.

At the moment, I am participating in a yoga teacher training course just outside of Dharamsala, where the Dalai Lama has been living in exile. Yesterday, during our course, we had one of the instructors teach us a "Kundalini Yoga" class. I had done a similar class before a couple years ago in the states, and I remember not caring for it much, but this time, I really didn't like it. My mind was complaining, and I caught myself thinking, "This is the worst thing ever, how can anyone like this?" And then I realized, another person might think this is the greatest thing ever, and what's wrong with that? Should we all be into the same type of yoga, meditation, or anything for that matter? Would that be a celebration of our diversity?

In my opinion, I need to loosen my grip about what is good or bad and see that all of these things can be valid. Some might like something and another person hates it, and that's totally fine. But somewhere in there, there is a path without a name, a path that makes the traveler the master, and that's what I'm hoping to share with you, because I believe that in today's modern world, it's really the path that can make the biggest difference.

So what is this path?

Well, I guess that's up for you to decide, but I also have some ideas that you might try to on for size. Mainly, I see this as the path of self-improvement. Since many of us out there don't want to wave a red flag and start shouting to people that we are going to try to change ourselves, this path doesn't need to involve anyone or anything except for you. The essence of any spiritual tradition, even though we are avoiding tradition here, is to purify the heart and mind. So do we need to follow anything to do this? Absolutely not! Do we need to radically change our perspectives, and let go of everything we think to be true? No! Instead, we just need to take a few moments, look within, and ask ourselves one all-important question.

What are my weaknesses?

Strengths are already strong, leave them alone for now, unless you think you are too fragile to go right into tackling your weaknesses. If you don't have enough self-security to start directly with your weaknesses, by all means, remind yourself of your strengths first, and then slowly, start looking to areas that have room for improvement.

By identifying our weaknesses, we can create a personal to-do list.

To me, this seems like the easiest way to be a better person. Sit down, and take a few minutes to write down some things that you think you could work on. Be honest. No one is watching, and you don't need to share this list with anyone. Even if it's something that you have mostly worked through already, write it down if you think it's still affecting your life.

Turning weaknesses into strengths is, in essence, purification of the mind.

Remember, this is something to practice, so don't be too hard on yourself. If you agree to embark on this journey, see yourself as the captain and allow yourself to feel good about what you are doing. That being said, don't throw yourself a big party, and let pride take the reigns, but in a soft way, you can know you are doing something that will benefit you and those around you. While I don't pretend to be one who has mastered all the things I offer up on this blog, I at least make an attempt to practice them myself. A few weeks ago, when I had this idea about how simple spirituality really is, I started my own list. Many of the items on the list are things I have already been consciously working on, some more successfully than others, but it's still nice to see them all written out.

While your at it, you might as well write down your strengths. What you might find is that some items that you consider strengths might have been your weaknesses in the past. Just like this, moving the items from the weaknesses list to the strengths list can be your practice, and that's all you really need to do. How you go about doing that is up to you, and will depend on the type of weakness you are dealing with. If your list includes problems with alcohol, as mine does, you might be able to just walk away, or you might seek help. If your list includes laziness, as mine does, get your ass up and start doing something! If your list includes being judgmental, as mine does, you might start by noticing everytime you think or act in a judgmental way. Simply by saying to yourself, "Judgment arising," you will find that your judgment loses much of its power over you.

And just like this we can work towards becoming a better person. It's going to take time, and some effort, but don't worry, there is no one here to judge you, there is no ideal to work towards, it's just you vs. yourself. You are the captain and the passenger. If you are stubborn like me, and someone says, "Hey, you should be more patient," you'd probably tell them to F-off. But that's the beauty of this, you found it yourself, you start it yourself, and there's no need to involve anyone else.

I know I have a lot of things to work on, and my mission is clear. Sometimes, it's nice to get my head out of the clouds with all this eastern spirituality and these ancient techniques and bring it back down to earth. A simple, practical, and personal approach to spirituality is the only approach that makes sense for everyone, but there's no system, there's nothing to buy into, and there's no one telling you what to do (if you think I'm telling you what to do, you can tell me to F-off, I won't mind). The exciting thing for me is that I know this works. If I can systematically check these off my list, and turn them into strengths, I have a lot of faith in the result. I know I'll be able to overcome obstacles that will otherwise stand in the way between me and my dream. Not only that, but the somewhat altruistic vision for my future will become more and more about helping others, as it will seem to be the only natural thing to do.

No matter why we start, we find that this practice of self-improvement is probably the least selfish thing we can do. If everyone took the time to do this, the world would be a much better place. Really, it's about loving yourself, deciding that you are worth. Only when you love yourself can you love others, and when you start eradicating your weaknesses, which can be seen as being of the mind, the heart will naturally shine through. Little by little, we can become stronger, more capable, more loving, patient, understanding, compassionate, less addicted, less angry, less violent, less impulsive, more forgiving, more tolerant of other people's decisions and religions, more accepting, more disciplined, less judgmental, healthier, freer, better human beings. Doesn't that sound good?

May all beings see that the spiritual life isn't about buying into anything, but just about making practical changes on the personal level.

May all beings see that self-improvement is global-improvement.

May all beings be the change they wish to see in the world.

Tomorrow Never Comes

There seems to be this idea out there that "there's always tomorrow," but is this true? Is this helpful? If dealing with stress, and finding peace with the idea that you can't get everything done, then I can see how it might be helpful to remind yourself that the world won't come to an end if you don't finish everything today. But the idea that there's always tomorrow is delusional, in a couple different ways, and more often than not, serves as an obstacle between us and life. Just like painkillers, TV, and surfing the internet can act as a way to avoid life, this mentality too can leave us one step away from what we are looking for.

In one respect, the most obvious, we all have to die, and therefore, someday will have to be our last. On that day, saying "there's always tomorrow,"  not only won't help, but it won't be true. Since we usually never know when our time is up, and the end could come at any time, it makes much more sense to treat everyday as if it were our last, just in case it is. But, the threat of death seems to be of little importance for us, especially those of us from the west, and we go on living as though it's a non-issue. In a way, there is some wisdom here, especially if you see death as being final. If you see death as final, it's too dark and gloomy to take into consideration on a daily basis. If you believe that in some way, life goes on after death, the subject might be a bit more bearable, but the uncertainty leaves one to wonder, "What will happen to me? Where am I going to go?"

Unless you are a devout Christian, Muslim, or have strong faith in the answer to this question, you may have doubts about your "fate." For me, it's a lot of speculation and doesn't leave me with anything tangible to work with in this life. Rather, by focusing on what we can know in this life, through our powers of observation and the intellect, we can keep it simple, practical, and find ways to lead better lives. That is the blood and guts of spirituality, it's not about talking to angels or renouncing the world to live in a cave, it's about becoming a better person.

Now, there's no need to take this personally. Everyone has room for improvement, and our loved ones would undoubtedly like to see us more patient, more thoughtful, or less angry. If we can't find a better reason (not that there is one), can we at least undertake the intention to become a better person for the sake of our loved ones?

If we find this intention ourselves, rather than having it shoved down our throats, we don't even need to share it with everyone. We don't need to make any radical changes, quit our jobs and leave behind our families, we can just start working on ourselves quietly, for the sake of others, and we will find that life becomes better for us, too. That being said, don't think you need to limit yourself to this model, if you want to include talking to angels and living in a cave, by all means, go for it, just don't forget why you are doing it. If it's not to make yourself a better person, then why are you doing it?

In my own practice, I have found that this intention is not just something that needs to be set once and then forgotten about. It needs to be set and reset as often as possible. It needs to be cared for and nurtured and checked upon regularly, as if looking after a small child. Otherwise, the desires of the mind may take advantage of the  opening and greed will take over.

Here are some examples of the voice of greed in regards to spiritual practice:

"I want more clarity so I can make more money, win friends, and influence people."

"Maybe, someday, I can be famous."

"If I keep practicing, I can live a life full of bliss and ecstasy."

Even with tangible reasons to practice self-improvement, despite their pitfalls, we may still have the delusion that tomorrow will always come, and spiritually, this leads to laziness. This type of practical work requires some self-reflection, to find our weaknesses, and that isn't always at the top of today's "To do list." If we keep this attitude that we can start tomorrow, we will never start. Besides that, but I want to say that tomorrow never comes, and with this understanding, we can find ways to enjoy our lives more fully, today.

Why do I say tomorrow never comes?

If you haven't noticed, everyday is today. The only day you can live in is this day, just like every changing moment is this moment. This moment, is this one, and then this one, and then this one. Every breath we breathe is in this moment, and this moment is all we'll ever have. If we don't capitalize on this understanding, the mind will remain stuck, drifting between past and future, and our lives will slip out of our fingertips. Sure, from our observation, we can say that tonight, the sun will set, and rise again tomorrow, but by that time comes, it will be today again. It will always be today.

I understand, this is a bit of a trick, but it's also a trick of the mind to think that there's always tomorrow. If we believe in this trick of the mind, we will be fooled, and that's not what we want. If we trick the mind, the mind will be fooled, and we can see clearly. If we have to choose between tricking our minds or being tricked by our minds, I think the choice is obvious. I don't want to make it sound like there needs to be a battle between the mind and us, but if the mind is winning, we are losing. 

Knowing this, we need to be on our guards. We need to be watching out for the tricks of the mind, ready to counter-attack. We don't force anything, we don't resist, but instead, we open our eyes and make ourselves see what is really happening.

Are we putting off those personal changes, always saying we will get around to it tomorrow?

Are we delusional about thinking that we are guaranteed to be alive another day?

Are we just making excuses, and are those excuses causing those around us to suffer?

I would have to say that I am personally guilty of all three of these things. I go to sleep at night thinking that I will definitely wake up the next morning, but I remember being a kid and it wasn't so certain. I remember being more grateful when I woke up, when I had another chance to be alive. Why am I now so lulled by existence? Why am I now so delusional?

The truth is, it happens. We are all conditioned, and we tend to forget about the miracle of life, its uncertainty. And what can we do?

We can take a stand in our lives by agreeing that today is all we have, and that it's now or never. 


May all beings find motivation to bring about changes in their lives by looking to the benefit of those around them.

May all beings understand that tomorrow will never come, and that when it comes to making changes, the time is always now.

May all beings see that life is fragile and not take it for granted, being thankful for each new day by determining that, "Today is the day that I will change my life."

How are my actions affecting others?

As I've mentioned in previous posts, the silence and stillness felt on meditation retreats can bring things into clear view. Sometimes, I make a note of something that I observe, with the intention of writing about it later. This is one of such areas that I have been particularly interested in based on my observations during the last couple retreats I have sat. It is a self-reflective inquiry into the ways in which we affect those around us, either by our actions, or our inactions. Of course, our actions come in many forms. They can be passive or aggressive, physical or mental, vocal or silent. In particular, I want to focus on those actions that affect others in a negative way.

We can disturb others in two basic ways, either intentionally, or unintentionally. On meditation retreats, most people put forth effort to either slip by under the radar, which means they try to have little-to-no impact on their fellow yogis (meditators). Or, when necessary, they try to be as kind and mindful as possible, for example, it's common for someone to hold the door open for another, as a friendly gesture, even though speaking is not allowed. But all of this is not very interesting to me. What is interesting is all the ways in which yogis, myself included, end up unintentionally affecting others in a negative way, without even knowing it. This is sort of like an unpolished part of the car. The rest of the car is left beautiful and shiny, but one little section, probably in the back, was overlooked. Now, I don't own a car, and the last (and only) car I owned was sent to the crushing yard many years ago, but I still think this example works.

So what are these things that we do that unintentionally affect others negatively?

Well, they are usually quite small things, but if we can sort of clean them up, we might be able to invite an extra layer of mindfulness into our lives. This is purely speculation as I'm not convinced I have done this yet, but cut me some slack, I'm working on it. Or am I just writing about it??

Okay, so on the last retreat I was on, which wasn't silent by the way, but nonetheless, I had the pleasure of observing an incident that rekindled my interest in this topic. After the teachings were over on the final day, I headed to the office to continue a conversation I had begun the previous day with one of the guys who volunteered at this Tibetan monastery. As the office was only open for one hour each day, it was my top priority. On the way, my forward progress was halted. In front of the door, there was a narrow walkway, and in the middle of this walkway, a woman was bent down playing with a who was lying on its back. At first glance, I thought it was quite a beautiful moment, as she was fully engaged in this process and the dog really seemed to be enjoying it. But then, as I got closer, I realized that it was impossible for me to squeeze past her giant butt, which happened to be shaking to and fro on account of her fervent style of petting the dog. To attempt to squeeze past would mean risking bumping into her butt, which is the last thing I wanted. Additionally, she was enjoying this so much, that I dared tried to disturb her. To do so, would have been extremely jarring, as I would have had to compete with her somewhat loud vocal expressions to the dog.

I just stood there, and couldn't help but to think, "Do you realize you are blocking this entire building right now?" The answer, was quite an obvious "no." On the one hand, she was acting from a place of love for animals and it was quite a sweet moment, but on the other hand, she was in someone's way, and this is a very common example of how a lack of awareness causes problems in the world. If we are so wrapped up in our own little reality, we can't see what's happening around us. This is called "having one's head up one's ass," and it's something we all suffer from. It's not the end of the world, but the people around us definitely suffer because of our lack of awareness, and I see that as unnecessary suffering that we can somewhat easily eradicate.

Let me try to recall some other examples from meditation retreats. While on bathroom cleaning duty, during karma-yoga time, aka "chores," someone would come in and take a shower, causing me to wait for that shower to be freed up before I could clean it and finish my duty. This is an example of putting one's own well-being as a priority and thereby disrupting another. In a largely self-centered world we live in, especially those of us from the west, this is extremely common. One time, when I was a monk in Thailand, one of my monk-brothers would always leave the door open to our shared room when he was the last one to leave. By the time we would return from the meditation hall, there would literally be thousands of bugs in our room, and without mosquito nets, and sleeping on the floor, we would have to deal with them all night long. This is just a simple lack of mindfulness, or in other words, he wasn't thinking about what he was doing.

Probably one of the common examples that most people have to face on a daily basis  is dealing with unconscious drivers. If you are a good driver, you've surely had the pleasure of observing countless drivers with their head up their ass. If you are an unconscious driver, maybe you don't even realize what you are doing, but please, for the rest of us, wake up! But if we investigate further, we might see that things aren't so black and white. They never are, actually. Instead, we will probably find that at times, all of us are unconscious drivers, and other times, we are conscious. There are many factors to attribute to whether or not we are acting consciously, so it's not always easy to identify the problem.

Even though there are a variety of valid excuses out there, the root problem seems to be that in general, we don't take others into consideration when we unintentionally affect them in negative ways. By simply asking ourselves, "How are my actions affecting others?" we can gain an additional level of awareness, and those that we share our lives with, either directly or indirectly, will be much better off for it. Oftentimes, as in the case of the dog-lady, it's a matter of body-awareness. Where is my body? Am I in someone's way? When I was visiting my brother in Chile, I found myself in a line of people trying to board a long-distance bus. The line wasn't moving, and I peeked inside to get a little insight into the problem. The problem was, there was a guy engaged in a phone call that, instead of finding his seat and sitting down, was standing in the middle of the aisle and blocking an entire line of 20 or more people that were trying to get in. Now, in previous years, I'd call this guy an asshole, which maybe he was, but I tend to believe that he just didn't realize what he was doing.

Although these things are usually quite unimportant in the grand scheme of things, they really can be the difference between life and death, especially when we look at unconscious drivers. If we all make an effort to be careful about how we are affecting others, the world will be a much better, and safer place. It's sort of like an area of personal refinement. If you don't polish this area in the back of your car, people will still say your car is clean and shiny. In other words, people will overlook this aspect of us, and they will still love us either way. But, from a personal standpoint, I really don't want to be "that guy" who is holding up traffic or always forgetting to close the door.

If we are always in our own little world, we won't even realize that we are doing these things, and oftentimes, others won't say anything to save us the embarrassment. That means that this is a place we have to inquire about and reflect upon ourselves. Throughout the day, whenever we are around other people, we can just call to mind this intention to be aware of how we are affecting others. Even though the changes might be so slight that others don't even notice, we can have those moments when we find ourselves becoming aware of what we are doing, and those are beautiful moments. In this way, we can invite more mindfulness and awareness into our daily lives in a very discreet, personal way, knowing that we are making a difference, but in a manner that doesn't call extra attention to what we are doing.

May all beings be willing to take an honest look at the ways in which they unintentionally make life harder for others.

May all beings be willing to set the intention to tread carefully, trying their best to not affect others in negative ways.

May all beings see that even the small changes brought about on the personal level make the world a better place.