After the Kumbh Mela, I stopped in Varanasi for a night, knowing that my schedule was getting tight and I'd better check it out while I had the chance. Specifically, I was looking to get down to the ghats, where Hindus come everyday to bathe in the river, wash their clothes, and yes, burn their dead. At the meditation retreat I did in Bodhgaya, the teacher, Christopher Titmuss, told about how his teacher made him watch dead bodies being burned on open fires when he was a monk back in the early 70's in southern Thailand. I felt very moved by this exposure to death, something were are very sheltered from in the west. Yes, we often have open caskets at funerals, but the bodies have been prepared to be on display, and it lacks the real feeling of death. I remember seeing a couple of bodies like this as a kid, and although it was somewhat unsettling, it just looked like the person was sleeping.
If I was going to do one thing while I was in Varanasi, it was going to be watching some bodies burn, but first, I needed to find a room somewhere. While looking, I slipped into an alley near the main ghat, which are like stone stairways that lead down the river, and got sort of lost before running into a Korean friend from earlier in my trip, making it the 3rd person from Sadhana Forest that I saw in 2 days. That is one thing interesting about traveling, even in a huge country like India with over 1 billion people, chances are, you'll see some of the same travelers, if you are here long enough.
The alley system in Varanasi is very interesting and somewhat overwhelming. The tiny streets are probably only 5' wide and can be packed with pedestrians, cattle, motorcycles, and street dogs. One thing about street dogs in high traffic areas like this is that they pay little attention to people. They only get territorial with other dogs, so sometimes you see them fighting amongst each other. Another thing you'll see on these streets, and apparently everywhere in India, is guys stopping to take a piss right in front of everyone, sometimes not even shielded from plain view. Between that and animal feces, it's a good opportunity to practice mindful walking.
I finally found a decent place for a cheap room, and met some nice people that were around my same age. On previous trips, sometimes I don't really meet anyone that I connect with, but on this trip, I've met a lot of really cool people. I shared a rickshaw into the downtown area again, as my journey through the alleys left me pretty far down the river near Assi Ghat, which proved to be a more peaceful area, and got some dinner before heading out to find the "burning ghat." It turned out that there are at least 2, and I had to go even farther from home to find the main one. By the time I got there, it was probably already 10pm. The general lack of lighting near this ghat and the relatively late time in the evening made my entrance somewhat sketchy, but by this point, I don't really get scared, at least with people. I know that fear will make me a target, like it does with street dogs, so I do my best to avoid it. Besides, most Indians don't seem like the type to be dangerous. Some may try to sell you something, others may try to con some money out of you, but I haven't come across any that were downright scary.
The scene was nonetheless quite dark and somber. There were a number of fires going, probably 5 or 6, and they were being tended to by young men who were obviously on the job. I guess I expected there to be some sort of ceremony, people gathered around the body, pre-burn, to chant something or offer flowers, but it seemed to operate more like a body burning factory, one after the other. The bodies were coming down on handmade stretchers, and were wrapped in some sort of white cloth. I also expected them to have huge fires, that would engulf the body in a matter of minutes, but I was completely wrong.
The fires were relatively small, and they'd set the body on some logs a few feet from the flames. Then, stuffing more wood under the raised body, they'd eventually get the fire to expand. Finally, they'd pile even more wood on top of the body, to sort of get the flames to surround the corpse. I was beginning to think that I wasn't going to get to see much of a body burning. While I had my attention fixed on one precession down below me, about 40' away, I was also keeping my eye on a closer fire to my left, about 20' away. I thought the fire below would be bigger, and when the baffled workers failed to really get the thing going, I gave up and watched the one closest to me. All of a sudden, the cloth had burned up at one end, leaving the bare feet and ankles exposed in plain view. I flinched a bit, and for the first time, what I had been watching became real.
Not knowing what to do, if I should stay or go, I just kept watching, unable to remove my gaze from the approximate size 10, fair skinned feet that were shining under the full moon. I've seen a lot of disgusting feet in this country, on account of diseases, lack of footwear, lack of hygiene/personal care, and the first thing I noticed about this guys feet was, "Damn, this dude had some nice looking feet!" The next thing I thought was, "What's going to happen to them?" I was curious, how does a body burn, and transform, especially in a fire this small. Well, I didn't see the whole corpse burn, but I did watch the whole process of these feet being slow-roasted. The color became darker and darker until liquid began to drip from the bottom of the heel. It was as if it was a wax foot in front of a heater, slowly melting. The shape of the foot also began to morph, losing it's life-like appearance and moving closer to being in skeletal form.
After about an hour of this, with the feet growing increasingly more and more morbid, I was just waiting for some sort of closure, and finally, I got it. The left foot began to rotate inward, and I knew that the fire was chewing its way through the leg bone and it was just a matter of time. Another 15 minutes, and I finally got to see the feet, right above the ankles, fall to the ground. The kid who was stoking the fire took notice of this, though rather unemotionally, and proceeded to use a long stick to shove one foot into the coals. The other foot, on the other hand (can I say 'on the other foot' instead?), he had different plans for. He took this long stick, and as if playing a sport, tried to fling the foot to the top of the fire. On his 3rd try, perfect shot (not sure how many points for that?). Watching the last of the foot burn, toes still pointed to the night sky, was my closure, and I knew I had gotten what I came for.
I think acknowledging death is an important thing for everyone, especially those from western cultures that have tried to create so much of an illusion around it. In the east, the body is never thought to be the person. The person just uses the body and then is reborn into another one in the next life. Once the body passes through the body, it's just a corpse, and they don't see it as something so shocking. I doubt I'll ever forget the image I have in my mind of the melting foot, and for that I am grateful. In the past few years, I feel like I've gotten over my fear of death to an extent, but this experience showed me that I still have work to do.
The Buddha prescribed many different meditations that involve visualizing your body as a rotting corpse, etc, and also recommended to practice in graveyards and charnel grounds. This practice is believed to help one come to terms with the fact that they must surely die and to see it as a natural part of the process of life. The purpose of this is not to become pessimistic, but on the contrary, to see that one must use one's time wisely and make the most out of it while one has it. Do we get sad when we see a vase of fresh roses? No, we enjoy them while we can, knowing that in a short time, they will be gone. In the same way, we can see our life as something precious and fragile, and acquainting ourselves with the reality of death is one way of facing any aversion or fear we may have of it.
Okay, enough about death. On the way home, I got lost, on account of forgetting my guest house name, and ended up trying to navigate the dark empty streets at around midnight. I was pretty sure I knew I needed to go a specific way, and although the road was full of street dogs, I proceeded without much caution. It was when I got really close, and sort of saw how they were staring me down, that I was suddenly startled and became fearful. Of course, this is exactly the green-light on the attack that they were looking for. At the point when I set off the signal, I was trying to squeeze past one of them to slip into a side road, but as soon as they started barking, I retreated. I have been in many street dog situations in Thailand and one particular one in Laos that ended in me fighting of two dogs with a car tire, but this time, there were 7 or 8 dogs and I knew my chances for a victory were slim. Sometimes, I use intimidation, sometimes, I flee the scene. This time, I had no plan, I was just freaking out. As a general rule of thumb, if you run, they will chase you.
I knew this, but seriously, being only a few feet away, what else was I to do? So I kinda ran but didn't turn my back on them, and began frantically waving the half-full (or does half-empty better explain this one?) plastic water bottle around to scare them. It wasn't working though, and they were coming at me barking and leaping toward me to bite. As I backpedaled, I was yelling ,"Hey, hey, hey!" louder and louder, until at full volume. I remember having the thought, "Well, I'm probably going to lose this one, but I'm taking at least one of these mother f'ers down with me." They were starting to get smart and flank me from the sides, but there was one in particular, a white one, that appeared to be their leader, and was surely the biggest, and closest. He came right down the middle for a full-on bite, and I swung that bottle as hard as I could and smashed it into the side of his face when he was just a few inches from biting my leg. It was a good thing too, because that was a do-or-die situation. Had I missed that blow, it could have been a feeding frenzy. The white dog squealed and pulled back, and the rest followed his lead. They weren't done though, just regrouping to feel me out. My next move was to take a few steps toward them, which I probably should have done in the first place. I puffed up my chest and made myself big and kept waving the bottle. At that point, I remember wondering how long until they figured out that my bottle was a really weak weapon.
Just then, a young Indian man, who I had passed on the street several minutes before, ran up behind me and threw a handful of rocks into the pack of angry dogs. They backed off even more, and he grabbed me and pulled me out of there. They were still barking like crazy, and sort of following us as a continued threat, so I just kept turning around to show them that I was ready to fight if necessary. I guess the guy heard me yelling and came to the rescue, but he didn't speak English, so I I'll never really know. Either way, that was easily one of the scariest moments of my life, and I intend to carry better weapons when navigating dark roads at night. Eventually, I want to get to the point where I am no longer scared of them, or at least able to refrain from showing fear, but if these things keep happening to me, it may be hard to get there.
Death and dogs are two areas I need to work through, and I feel like I made major progress with death, so I'll shift my focus to dealing with dogs. Sometimes, I can just laugh or smile and make angry dogs more relaxed, but my lack of confidence in this means that it doesn't work every time. I try to imagine, what would Jesus, or the Buddha do? Did they get attacked by crazy street dogs, or were they so chilled out that no animals saw them as a threat. It's an interesting place to become curious about, this relationship between humans and animals. If dogs are territorial, and you cross their path at night, chances are, they will try to attack. So what can we do? Well, two nights ago, I found a temporary solution, and hopped in an auto-rickshaw. But it's only a matter of time before my next encounter. What it's going to take to walk out unscathed is either a heart full of love and not a drop of fear, or a really big weapon. I'll keep you posted on which one it is.
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