Installing New Years intentions into your neural hard-drive

I noticed at some point today that I sort of failed to firmly establish my intentions for the new year, so I want to make an effort to do so now. Three things happened to me today as I was leaving  that inspired these intentions, and of course, they are just three that stack on to a list that continues to grow as I continue to get older. While I used a systematic approach to becoming a vegetarian, and establishing daily yoga and meditation practices, I am sort of loosening up my self-imposed rules, finding that now that I have determination and am inspired to improve my life, I can judge from moment-to-moment and not have to rely on a former version of myself to keep me in line.

Here are my intentions for 2013 & their stories:

 1.     Don't take crap from anyone, but handle it with grace. 

My girlfriend and I arrived at the Suvarnabhumi Airport in Bangkok today with over 3 hours to spare before my flight to Mumbai. Our idea was to get in line early, get my boarding pass, and then eat dinner together before we had to say our goodbyes. We got into a neatly filed line about 10 minutes prior to the opening of the check-in counters. There was maybe 30 people in front of us, and so I was feeling pretty good about our dinner plans.

As soon as they opened the check-in counters, things started to get a bit crazy, and in my mind, there was no confusion as to why. Although the line started as a single entity, it turned to more of a stampede. When they opened up the first class line to the left of the economy class line, the first class passengers began to break off and follow suit. It wasn't that difficult to figure out what was happening, and there really wasn't anyone who seemed to be baffled by it, with the exception of one guy, whose actions created a whole chain of events that stirred up the order and had the majority of the passengers lost for an answer of what was going on.

So, as I said, there was the 1st class line on the left, and the economy class on the right. What this guy did, was come in front of all of us in the economy line on the right-hand side, and then started yelling to his oversize family in the back to come on forward, that the water was fine. At first, I didn't really catch on to what was happening. I think I was talking to my girlfriend at the time, and sort of vaguely remember seeing him shouting across the open floor, but in a language I didn't understand. I didn't think much of it, and even though I had seen this guy sitting down when I first arrived, it didn't occur to me that he was attempting to stage one of the least-sneaky multiple-person acts of cutting in line that I had ever seen.

It was around the time when I saw his giant wife (she was hard to miss) and the rest of the gang, including what must have been brothers or cousins and perhaps members of their families, come wheeling up with their little carts overflowing with luggage, that I started to catch on. "Hmm, that's peculiar, could have sworn I saw those people relaxing casually on the benches as I was bracing the old legs and standing in line." I started to pay attention, and as the line was now moving, and people from behind us also started to take his lead and just gun for the finish line, I picked up my pace and tried to secure my position.  He was still shouting frantically, and it seemed he was trying to convince his family that it was a legitimate move to go around the outside, right to the front, and then use the sheer size and weight of them to cut off the people who had been waiting there.

Luckily, it seemed some of the others in front of me started to catch on too and kind of asked what exactly it was this guy thought he was doing. He was still shouting, and changed to English and was rattling off like a madman something about how the line we were all in was the 1st class line and that he was making a new line for the economy class. "Wow, hard to believe, since the single file 1st class line is already firmly established and just a few feet to the left of me." I noticed that my heart began to race, and my instinct was just to set this guy straight, like I wouldn't have hesitated to do back when I didn't have any consideration for the average person. Now that I am practicing compassion for all living beings, I restrained, but still chose to act.

If someone is trying to push you over, you can still stand up for yourself without stooping to their level.

As the guy was met with more and more resistance, he kept shouting in his native language to his family, which was now mostly gathered awkwardly at a 45° angle at the mouth of the retractable seat-belt gates, in which what to me was an obvious attempt to divert people's attention and confuse them. But what if my assumption was wrong? What if he really thought that all the people in front of him were in the 1st class line and that his actions were justified? I highly doubt it, as the guy looked to be working with at least a functioning level of intelligence, but who am I to say really, I hadn't even had the chance to meet the guy yet.

"Yeah we are all here in line buddy," I yelled out from a distance now of about 10 feet, and he looked right at me as I used my hand in a nice clear sweeping gesture to indicate the body of individuals in front of me whose positions he was attempting to steal. I left it at that. I figure that if someone is going to try to cut in front of me, and use some sort of diversion and language barrier tactic in hopes that I won't even notice or realize what is going on, I won't try to stop him, but I'll leave him with a nice guilt trip by clearly stating that I know exactly what he is doing. The tone in my voice was firm but without anger. My girlfriend and I looked at each other and just short of shook our heads, as if to say, "Who the hell does this guy think he is?" "Stupid," she said, and then we sort of laughed a bit.

But the game wasn't over, it had just begun. Now that there was no clear way for newcomers to determine the order of a line that resembled more of a gathering for a concert, people were just sweeping in with their carts from all directions, and my girlfriend and I worked together, blocking lanes, and re-positioning our cart to jockey for position, but there was just too many of them. I had lost the little smile that sort of thought the whole thing was funny and was now facing the risk of ending up at the back of a line that I used to be towards the front of. In a last minute move of desperation, I grabbed my bags off the cart that my girlfriend was pushing and told her to retreat with the cart and to meet me once I had cleared the mouth of the retractable seat-belts, where order could more easily be established. From there on out, I was going in solo.

I didn't have a plan, but I just went for it. Should I cut off the lady with art supplies to my left or address the growing concern of a mob trying to flank in from the right, headed by the Indian man who started the whole madness, and his family, who had still failed to weasel their way in? "Just stand my ground in the center, and stay close to the big white dude in front of me," I told myself. I did too, real close. I stayed about 4-6 inches off his back, breathing down his neck, hoping that he wouldn't turn around and knock me out. But he didn't, and when I heard him mutter something about how ridiculous the whole thing had become, I assumed that he had some sort of hope for the well-being of his fellow Caucasian brother behind him. His sheer size and unphased demeanor was like a fortress for me, and the plan worked like a charm. When it came to the final test, right at the mouth of the retractable seat-belts, the planets aligned perfectly and I was able to walk right past all the people who were planning their next move and maintained the order of the original line.

I stayed so close to the guy in front of me, that all those people with their stupid little carts didn't have a chance to get their noses in front of me. "Exactly why I ditched my cart," I thought. As I walked past the guy and his family, I saw him pointing at me, saying something in his native tongue, which I took as something to the effect of, "Can you believe this guy?" Hahaha, WHAT! Maybe he had forgotten just minutes earlier when I called him out in front of everyone. "I hope I don't sit next to him on the plane..."

But that's a good point really, if I didn't handle that situation with grace, and reacted instead with anger, it is easy to see how that could have come back to haunt me. Now, I feel like I could share a cab with the guy once we get to India, and that I really have no hard feelings about the whole thing at all. In fact, it was pretty funny, looking back on it. Maybe that's just because I got lucky, played my cards right and never had to wait any longer than I would have it it never happened, but I also think it's because I restrained from reacting, and even though I got a little aggressive on the offense, and felt uneasy the entire time, I never stooped down to his level.

I see that I still have work to do, because ideally, the actions of others wouldn't prove to be such a threat to my happiness. But at least the first step, of non-reactivity, kept my suffering from getting out of line.

On account of this event that transpired today, I hereby intend to stand up for myself without losing my cool, and try my best to not let my personal emotions to allow reactivity. In short, I intend to respond instead of react.


 2.     If someone needs sympathy, give it to them.  

Another, smaller group, that for a moment looked like  were going to get away with an even sneakier card to cut in line back at the check-in, ended up being right in front of me as I boarded the plane. I instantly recognized this young, international couple of an Indian man and a Caucasian woman, but since they too failed at their attempt to beat me in the line, I had no negativity bubble up with the exception of a slight recognition of "Oh, those two."

Their previous attempt at cutting went a little something like this. When the second line for 1st class broke out, they entered it, coming in from somewhere behind me. If I remember correctly, this was before all the mayhem broke loose. They remained in the 1st class line for some time, which was quite small when they entered it and means they were very close to front. The large LED sign above the check-in for that line read "Supreme" or "Legacy" or something irrelevant to me, so it should have been no shocker that it wasn't to be used by those who had not made reservations to fly 1st class. Now, if they were both Indians, they could have pleaded a language based misunderstanding, but being that the woman was probably from America or maybe somewhere in Europe, that option was highly unlikely. Maybe they "thought" they had forked out the extra dough for the 1st class tickets, but got to the counter and realized they were just like everyone else. Maybe.

By the time they had turned their carts around, we were right in the mix of the madness and I had strapped on my pack and had already gone solo. As I scanned from left to right, trying to keep an eye for possible flankers, and developing my moment-to-moment strategy, I noticed them going for the gold from the left side, attempting for a miracle flank that would have put them in front of the lot of us, even the Indian guy with the huge family and oversize wife that started the whole thing to begin with. Like I said, I managed to protect my right to be there, but I can't say the person behind me fared as well. In fact, I lost sight of them, thinking they were swallowed up by a massive 10-lane highway of cart-pushing, lane-stealing, line-cutters.

After the initial recognition of this young international couple, the second thing I noticed was the ridiculous amount of carry-on luggage they were attempting to smuggle on board. "Yep, seen these guys before," I probably unfairly concluded, but beyond a general curiosity as to whether some of these items could in fact fit in the overhead compartments, I sort of just fluffed my small, light-weight backpack and reveled in the moment of having such a stress-free load as I saw the guy bumping into seated passengers as he bounced his way down the aisle. Eventually, he had his technique down. He had developed a side-stepping approach which enabled him to keep his orientation moving forward but also leverage a giant briefcase on the front hip all the while dragging a huge duffle bag on the floor behind him with the shoulder strap. I kept my distance.

Sometimes, you just know you're gonna have to wait.

I think having this understanding makes it easier. For example, when you go to the bank, you know you're gonna have to wait, so it's generally more tolerable than an unexpected accident that shuts down the highway. Looking at this guy, I knew this was one of those times, so when he turned around and apologized for the obvious train-wreck type situation he had gotten himself into, I was able to pull together a genuine smile of sympathy and said, in an overly-reassuring fashion, "No, it's okay man, don't worry about it!"

Didn't see that one coming, but what I saw next really made the whole thing stick. Everyone knows what it's like to have played your cards wrong and to be accidentally holding up a line. It sucks. It's really a horrible feeling and can easily be a low point in someone's day. Whether it's the person's genuine concern for others, which I could throw out the window after the attempted 1st class to economy class line-flank, or, it could be the more common dislike for embarrassing yourself in public. Either way, I saw a man in need, and I lent him a small, yet much needed act of compassion.

In return, I saw the stress on his face disappear. If you think people behind you are upset by your actions, it makes most people become quite flustered. In my experience, it makes me even more clumsy, effectively extending the hold-up. It can be something of a downward spiral, like a building mass of pressure. When someone can offer a little reassurance, a little bit of understanding, it can go a long way. On this day, for whatever reason, it just happened to be me. On other days, I think my attempt to do the same thing are pathetic at best and you can tell by my demeanor that I'm actually pissed.

The slight nod of recognition that the guy gave me sank in, and it was like the stiffness in the air was gone. Even though there were people behind me, by giving the guy so much space, I was actually taking the heat and people were wondering why I wasn't moving. But I didn't care, because I wasn't flustered, I wasn't trying to stuff bags that redefine the acceptable carry-on luggage size limit into the overhead compartments. I was just chillin, and it felt pretty good. When the guy finally pulled his life together and had sat down, allowing me to pass, I noticed that I was so relaxed that I even took another moment or two before I started walking. I think I could hear someone in line behind me have a bodily function that probably forced an unexpected rush to the lav after their bags were stowed. Not really, but it could happen.

On account of this event that transpired today, I hereby intend to offer up my sympathy for someone who is in need. It's no surprise that I have been known to make more than my fair share of mistakes, so often baffled by life. When I have my ducks in a row and am feeling composed, I will offer the comfort of that composure to others who are having a hard time, and can't seem to pull it all together. You might call it a random act of kindness, but it shouldn't be random, it should have a cause, it should be effective. Let's call it, strategic acts of kindness.

 3.   Don't let unexpected temptations steal my balance.  

I haven't flown internationally all that much, and so when the drink cart came around and really threw me a curve ball, I had a bit of a realization. Alcoholic drinks on international flights are usually free. The people in the rows in front of me were ordering beers, a tall glass of wine, or a mixed drink with top-shelf brands like Stoli and Jonny Walker Red Label. I had no intention of drinking, but then again, I decided against making quitting drinking a new year's resolution, for the lack of a desire to impose personal restrictions on myself that interfere with my freedom to choose.

As the cart drew nearer, flashes came into my mind. They started as, nah, I don't want to drink, I never did want to, so why would I want to now? Then I thought, screw that, the value of a drink like that at this altitude is easily like 7 or 8 bucks, so it will help me squeeze out more value for my ticket. That glass of red wine looks good, I'll take that. Nah, I don't want a mouth stained red with wine as I arrive at the ashram in the morning, better make it white. But what if I don't like it? That whiskey looks good. But what a lame pour, surely that wasn't a whole shot! Then again I thought, no, I'll just have a water, I'm a bit parched as it is anyway. Like this my mind bounced back and forth and everywhere in between. I really didn't know what I was going to say until the last second.

"Something to drink, sir?"
 "Orange juice, please."

It just sort of came out, and then I was allowed the wonderful opportunity to take a deep look at what had just gone down. As if I was a coach giving myself a half-time pep-talk, I sort of drilled myself for answers. "What happened to you back there, you fell apart!"

So what did happen? The guy next to me who ordered a whiskey-soda seemed like he was solid as a rock. Surely, I felt, that more important than the decision was the place it was coming from. He was so casual, and his order seemed to be without hesitation. He knew the drink was free and he knew what he wanted. Why then, was I practically cut down by the unexpected chance to have a free drink?

Looking back to my recent past might give me a little bit of an indication. At the beginning of August, a few days before my 27th birthday, I made a somewhat timid vow to refrain from drinking for the upcoming 3-month Buddhist Lent, a common thing for Buddhists in Thailand to adhere to. I managed to make it through the 3 months, and even for a few days after, and finally caved when I was overcome with the urge to whet my whistle in Myanmar. I drank casually for the next couple weeks of my trip, never getting drunk, and then had a few beers again in between staying at monasteries to practice meditation. I didn't really feel guilty about it, but I did sort of know that at some point, I wanted to at least take a break again, if not stop altogether. I guess I was sort of trying to acknowledge where I was at with the whole thing with a bit of honesty, and so I told myself that if I wanted to drink, I would. My desire to drink has definitely been dwindling, and I haven't wanted to get wasted for a long time, so I didn't see it as too much of a problem.

"I'll keep working to purify my mind from desire and when the timing is right, I'll walk away from drinking in a more natural manner."

So when I was really shaken up at the sight of the free drinks today shortly after we took off, I had to wonder what the big deal was. Why couldn't I have just known what I wanted, instead of fighting a huge personal battle in order to find out where I stood. Is this avoidable? What can I do to ensure that unexpected temptations don't knock me out of balance?

These are good questions. I guess one place to start is to be clear with myself about what I am willing to do and what I want to restrain from doing. Just like with reactivity, I can tell myself that "Today, I choose not to drink," without imposing an overarching restriction on myself like, "I'm never drinking again." If I can pick my battles, and keep it day-to-day or better yet, moment-to-moment, I will know where I stand and it won't be hard to make the appropriate decision. There is nothing wrong with having a drink. There is nothing right with it either, it's just something to do. The only problem is in this judging, comparing mind. It is this mind that was freaking out, even though in my heart, I knew all along that I didn't have any desire to drink.

On account of this event that transpired today, I hereby intend to remain connected with my heart's desires, so as to not be easily swayed with passing temptation. If I know I really want to do something, like have a drink, then I will allow myself to do that and be willing to deal with any sort of consequences that might follow. It's when we throw caution to the wind, and not listen to our hearts that it becomes dangerous. Instead of lying to myself, and telling myself that I want to do something that I don't just to be spontaneous, I will do my best to remain honest and stable with my decision-making. In short, acting with intention instead of being blown around like a leaf in the wind. Be a rock, even if it's while ordering a drink, do it like you mean it!

Like I said before, these three intentions are new ones, that I will have for this year, that I'm adding to an already existing list. When I look back at what previously-installed intention enabled these three to come to light for me today, it seems obvious. In all three situations, I was paying attention. No, I wasn't mindful the whole time, before, during, and after, but I did have the presence in all three situations to notice my initial reactions.

When we notice a mental reaction to a situation, we are offered the freedom to choose to do otherwise.

Setting intentions is a lot like installing software into a computer, especially a really old computer. Just because you set the intention doesn't mean it's going to work, but if the intention isn't there, if the software isn't installed, the chances are slim. The only way it might work is if another program, or intention, steps in to cover.

When you buy a computer, you think about what programs you want. When you get a cell pone or tablet, you think about what apps you want. Why not think about what you want to start hard-wiring into your brain?

"Neurons that fire together, wire together." - Donald Hebb

Today, on New Year's Day, I'm updating my hard-drive to include just a few more programs to keep this old machine running as smoothly as possible. As for now, it will just be a matter of reminding myself that the intentions are there, and as time goes on, they will become easier and easier to follow.

Well, I'm about to land in Mumbai now, and I hope that my inentions to stand up for myself gracefully, strategically respond with kindness, and act from my heart's desires instead of on a whim, will prove to keep me afloat as I tread the murky waters that is the sub-continent of India and the world's largest democracy. Wish me luck!