2012: A year in review

Gunnar with a Taiwanese monk at a
Chinese Buddhist monastery in New Mexico.

It seems like New Years is a good reminder of the value in wise reflection and wise projection. Looking back, we can see what we did, what helped us and what mistakes we made, and reflect on the year as a whole. It is also a good time to set intentions for the upcoming year.
Last year, at this time, I was in a silent vipassana meditation retreat in SW Colorado. After clarifying my intentions, I set off with some friends on a road-trip through New Mexico. We spent a few days and were able to stop at 8 or 9 spiritual places. 4 or 5 were Buddhist temples/monasteries, one was a Hindu ashram, and a couple were sacred Christian churches. I think spending New Years Eve in silence, being clear about my intentions, and then seeking out some spiritual centers was a great way to start 2012 for me, and may have helped me to bring about some positive changes.

At the time, I was living in Durango, Colorado, and had a good job with the theatre department of Fort Lewis College. It was only a 9 month contract, so I know going into it that my future was pretty uncertain. Throughout my stay, I had a lot of time to consider my options, and even made some lists about possibilities for after my contract was finished.

I knew I wanted to do something that was going to allow me to get in some good meditation practice time, and tossed around ideas like volunteering at a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in the area, or staying at a Chinese monastery down in New Mexico that we found. Another idea was to work in a National Park, just in food service or something, in order to spend some quality time in the outdoors and connect with nature.

In February, I flew down to Chile to meet up with my family and some friends for my brother's wedding. It was at that time when I found out what had sort of become my main plan at that time, to take a seasonal job with my brother on the north slope of Alaska, had fallen through. I remember feeling very uncertain at that time, about what would happen next, and I knew it was going to bring something unexpected my way, but I didn't know what. I won't pretend that I enjoyed the feeling, but I did my best to embrace it.

My brother Tommy marries a Chilean girl named Pancha. 

When I went back to Colorado in March, I put my nose to the grindstone. I applied for the Tibetan monastery's volunteer program and also to the company that works in Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks. I kept looking around, considered staying in Durango and finding work for the summer and then reapplying for my same job the following year. I put out feelers, asked friends, and generally took a great deal of consideration about what I should do. Within a couple weeks of getting back, I had been accepted to 3 different jobs, and the volunteer program, and found that I went from a place where I felt hopeless and that I had no opportunites, to a place where I was overloaded with options. I remember being consumed by it, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't know what was going to happen. I guess it's a feeling I am pretty used to by now, and it does seem to be getting easier, but at that particular juncture, it felt a bit scary.

One day, as I was poking around online, looking at my options, an idea suddenly popped into my mind. I remembered that a guy who recruited English teachers in Thailand had left it with me that if I ever wanted to come back over to teach, to contact him. It had been a year and a half since we last communicated, but I remembered his name and typed it into the search for my gmail account. Sure enough, I found him, he interviewed me, and I was accepted for a position within a matter of a few days. I gave myself a week or two to brew it over, and then ended up buying my ticket and was back in Thailand before I knew it, just a few short weeks after the idea came to me.

It is crazy how fast your life can change if you let it.

My lovely Thai girlfriend Duean and I.

Just a few days after arriving, I was on the bus, leaving Bangkok, and was heading north to the small town where I was to start teaching the following week. Upon loading that bus, at the Mor Chit Bus Terminal, I met a girl, who is now my present girlfriend. I looked confused about my seat, and since she can speak English, she offered to help. The seat next to her was temporarily empty and so she asked me to sit down and we talked for 5 or 10 minutes until I went upstairs (double-decker bus) and found my seat. I knew I had met an angel, and asked her to be my girlfriend right then and there. She said, and I'll never forget, "Maybe sometime in the future." She was right too, and even though it took about 3 months, we finally were able to connect (she was living 6 hours away) and have been together ever since.

I ended up settling in a small town of Khirimat, and had a wonderful semester teaching 10-12th graders at a large public high school. The people in this town and at that school are the most friendly Thai people that I've met, and so I made many Thai friends, which never happened the first time I taught over here 2.5 years ago. The students were a lot of fun and I spent the 4 months getting to know them as best I could. My Thai got a lot better and my personal life was stronger than ever. I was generally feeling pretty grounded, waking up early for meditation and yoga, and the time sort of flew by.

A sunset jam session with my Thai buddy Mee in Khirimat. 

I should mention that at some point, drinking with my Thai friends down the street got a little ridiculous, and that, among other things, led me to quit drinking for the 3 month Buddhist Lent that started in early August. The style there is to have dinner with the gang every night if possible, and to enjoy the evening by casually sipping on beer or watered down whiskey drinks until it was late and then calling it a night. I had fallen out of the habit of playing futsal (like soccer but on a hard court) with the local boys after school everyday, was gaining weight from the feasting, and not getting enough sleep.

After the pendulum swings one way, it will swing back the other way. 

I spent the last couple months of the semester trying to focus my energy, get back into shape, and plan for my future. I was torn, once again, about whether I should stay or go. I really liked where I was at, and the school, and so a big part of me wanted to stay. At some point, I received an email from a contact I had made as I was leaving Colorado regarding the changing nature of a previous conversation we had. He mentioned that a group of them from Durango were headed to Myanmar in November to do some work for the non-profit organization, Shanta Foundation, that he founded with his wife. They had some difficulties with the government, but were able to work it out and invited me to come out to shoot the video I had proposed to shoot back in April.

www.shantafoundation.org

That was just the hint I was looking for.

So I told my school I wasn't coming back and bought my plane ticket for Myanmar. While I was at it, I figured to pursue another dream of mine, which was to go to India and practice yoga, so I bought that plane ticket too. And just like that, I had the next 8 months planned out. Weird, I never do this planning stuff, but I guess as long as you are flexible, it can be a great way to manifest your intentions.

Before I went to Myanmar, I sat a 21-day vipassana meditation course in northern Thailand that a friend in Durango had recommended. I knew that I couldn't let the year slip by without spending some solid time practicing, and although I really just wanted to go hang out on the islands, I was determined to head to the monastery.

I was off to Myanmar about a week after the course for 28 days. I was able to see a ridiculous amount of Buddhist temples, pagodas, and monasteries, and spent the last 9 days in a famous meditation center in Yangon. Oh, and I met up with the crew from Colorado and went up into the mountains for a few days to shoot my video. Check out the video I made at https://vimeo.com/56567802

When I came back, I took a few days to rest and then continued with a former plan to visit a couple monasteries in before heading off to India. I stayed at one more for a week, and then got sick while heading east to the other one and basically walked in, turned around, and walked out. I guess I also wanted to spend my last few weeks with my girlfriend instead of with some random monks.

And that pretty much brings me up to date. The highlights of my year were 1. meeting my girlfriend 2. my brothers wedding in Chile, and 3. my trip to Myanmar.

The youth caring for the youth in Myanmar. 

All of those were things that I didn't expect would happen in 2011, but as it turned out, what really happened was much different than anything I could have imagined. It just takes one thing, like not getting a job that you are counting on, to put your whole future up in the air. Luckily, for me, I was open and receptive to what the future brought, and I was sort of able to allow spontaneity to guide me.

Sunset over Bagan, Myanmar. 

It was a really good year, and I feel like I grew considerably and have planted good seeds for my future. Although I don't recall all of the intentions I set last New Year's Eve, I believe they were effective in getting me off on the right foot. As for the rest, I stumbled into many unexpected situations, and my general lack of a solid plan enabled me to end the year in a much better place than I could have imagined for myself.

As for next year, I have a basic idea of what the first few months will entail, but then I will once again be faced with making a major decision for my life. As much as I have grown to fear these big decisions, I also thrive in them. They force me to take a deep look at where I've been and where I'm going. Many times, there doesn't seem to be an obvious choice, but I look for the subtle clues and trust my intuition. Other times, I just pick an option and go for it. It should be fun, and life shouldn't be taken too seriously. When you can roll the dice and little and throw everything on the line, you might just end up winning big. And if you lose, well, then you get to hit rock bottom and bounce back. Either way, risking your security by stepping into the unknown makes life exciting. Also for me in 2012, I look back to all the things that had to happen for me to meet my girlfriend that day on the bus, and in hindsight, it all makes sense, like I was being guided to that very moment.

We can't always see what is guiding us, and where it is leading us, but if we trust it, we will find out.

I encourage you to try to invite change into your life by setting the intentions now for 2013. You don't have to move to another country or change your career, it might be something much smaller. It might be a change in your lifestyle or making healthier choices in your diet. What matters most is that we step out of our little boxes and see what life has in store for us. Some things fall into our laps, and other things, we have to work for. Just by remaining open and receptive to this idea, we will be inviting these opportunities into our lives. Look for the clues, they are potentially everywhere, and only you can decipher them. Have fun, and good luck to all of you in the upcoming year.