Monday, August 5, 2013

Beach vs. Monastery?

Okay, so I rearranged some things with my co-worker which enabled me to get four consecutive days off of work, my first of such break since I started this job almost 3 months ago. I'm not going to lie, it's a little tough to see that all my friends back home are blasting through the country in summer-mode and having the times of their lives while I'm locked down with a tight work-schedule. When I originally planned for this four-day break, I had my sights set on Koh Chang, a nice island on the eastern edge of Thailand near Cambodia, and a popular destination for travelers and Thais alike. But sometime, about 2 weeks ago, I realized that there might be a better way to spend my time, in the monastery.

One of the best reasons to live in Bangkok (there are many) is the close proximity and easy access to some really wonderful beaches and islands. If you have a long-weekend, there are many places you can get to, for pretty cheap, and find yourself posted up beachside within a couple hours of walking out of your door. This seems to be the obvious holiday of choice for most people living in the city.

But as I connect with my purpose here on this earth, I know that there is something else I'd rather be doing, and that is exploring this life through my own consciousness in hopes of finding truth, understanding, peace, and freedom.

Let's look at it from a practical level: 

If you go to the beach, you will enjoy for a few days, and then on the last day you will be sad to leave. You will think about how you have to go back to your apartment and your job and you will be miserable, comparing the beautiful beach to your miserable life back home.

If you go to the monastery, you will suffer for a few days, and then on the last day you will be so happy, like you are getting out of jail! I will be expected to wake up at 3:30 each day and practice sitting and walking meditation all day until 10pm, with just a couple breaks for breakfast, lunch, and tea. I already know, it's going to suck, so why do it?

Yes, there will be moments of peace, of clarity, insights will most likely come, but much of the day will be spent trapped in the circus of my mind, and I'll be kicking myself for not choosing to relax on the beach instead. Some of the happiest days of my life as I can recall have been the days on which I am released from the monastery and back into the world, full of life, fresh with ideas and inspiration, and insights to guide my next move. I've never been to jail, but I imagine this feels even better because you get to reap all the benefits of the hard work you have labored over while practicing intensively.

Practicing mindfulness is a lot like exercising a muscle. If you want to be strong, you need to work out. Working out sucks, for those of you who don't know. To me, it's not a fun process, really, but after repeated exercise, you are then stronger. Then when you need to put your strength to use, while at work or moving boxes to a new house, you are glad you put in the hours in the gym. It's the same way with meditation and mindfulness practices. I know I have to put in the time to train my mind to incline toward the good and avoid the bad, to keep a gentle curiosity about the present moment, and to turn it back on itself in order to become aware of what kind of insane thoughts its brewing up.

Sometimes, I enjoy it, and other times, it's like living in hell. I just want to wake up and magically have the strongest mindfulness possible, just like a body-builder looks in the mirror and envisions himself or herself with the perfect physique. But the fact of the matter is that we must work for that which we want to cultivate with this body and mind, nothing is offered without a hard days work.

Okay, I'm out the door. I guess I'll let you know if I live to regret my decision of spending my holiday at the monastery instead of the beach...


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